It is quite sad to realize that the presence of our schemas block good communication and do not lead to the satisfaction of emotional needs. So people found themselves, talked for a while, the interest became more palpable and it was impossible to hide it, they met and “Oh yes, 100 out of 100.” Storm, spark, emotion! And after some time of communication and meetings, a collision of our schemes occurs. Emotions become dulled (pattern of expectation of abuse; abandonment/instability; rigid standards and hyper-controller mode; detached protector, etc.), the person becomes more detached, observant, wary, closed. And here there is invisible work that causes damage and does not give relationships the opportunity to develop. Much also depends on the type of attachment, each of which is interconnected with the origin of our thinking characteristics. In a relationship with a person of an avoidant type, you feel constant detachment, coldness, closedness. The harder you try to be closer to him, the further he runs away from conversations, laughs it off, changes the topic. Often he doesn't know what he wants. It seems like you want a relationship, but the conviction in the pattern of “abandonment/instability” indicates the impossibility of this. Thoughts are spinning in my head: “This won’t last long; It will end anyway; She/he will betray me; You can’t trust anyone” and the person chooses an “open relationship” or a one-night stand in which there is no need to get close. Sex becomes an end in itself, heart-to-heart conversations bring us closer together, and this makes us feel anxious and defenseless, so we avoid them. There is a controlling mode that monitors feelings, actions and emotions in order to react in time. To protect yourself from loneliness and betrayal, be prepared for anything. In order not to be abandoned, you need to leave yourself. True intimacy is impossible in them. The relationship will not be complete, emotional and sensual. If a person, in addition to the avoidant type of attachment, also has personality disorders or traits of a disorder, for example, narcissistic, then the portrait is formed of an absolutely insensitive and impartial person who does not pay attention to your feelings and sensations. Simply because he doesn’t know how and can’t. It’s quite sad to see when people, trying to create relationships, stepping on the same rake, end up disappointed in men/girls and simply choose a different type of relationship. In which the inner emptiness is filled, but such relationships really end, and confirm the scheme. And until a person understands that it is not other people who are to blame for the repetition of the scenario, but himself, the circle will not be broken.