When two people are in conflict, it is less painful for both of them if insults, threats, unfounded criticism, and labels are used than if one person abruptly ends contact without any explanation. Ignoring is real torture: you seem to exist, you are trying to communicate something, you have feelings and needs, you have questions. But the other lives at this moment as if you do not exist. He does not reject, does not fight, he simply “switches off” you from reality. How to interact with a person who uses silence as a method to get what is his? In order to be able to cope with other people’s silence, it is important to understand its nature. This model of behavior is formed in very cruel ways : the child either sees someone close to him being punished with silence (a part of himself is being punished, because he is not yet completely separated) or he himself is being punished with silence. In the first case, this is very strong pain for the person being punished. Nothing can be done to help. There is also a fear of being punished with silence. Subsequently, it can lead to compensation with the position of a tyrant. In the second case, it is horror on the verge of death. The child is so attached to his parents and important adults that without them he could actually die. If he ceases to exist for his loved ones while they are silent, he reads this situation correctly: he has every chance of dying. How does he know how long the silence will last? Only after years of painful experience does he realize that this is not forever, it will stop soon (or not very soon). In the meantime, he is practically a living dead. Naturally, he is ready to do anything to reappear in the reality of his adults, to re-enter emotional contact with them. After all, emotional contact is a guarantee of preserving life. The psyche does not forgive this. Growing up, such a person acts out what happened to those around him: he either takes the usual role when they are silent with him (in order to finally break through this wall of ice, although this is impossible) or becomes the one who is silent. And here is the most interesting thing: becoming the one who is silent, he suddenly feels in himself such strength, such power, which no one has ever felt. For the wounded child's soul that lives in him, this strength and power are so sweet that the suffering of another no longer has any meaning. A person who has lived for many years in denial of his own existence from others is not ready to sacrifice anything - he will defend every centimeter of his positions with frenzy. But a relationship with such a static object is impossible without violence against another, without traumatization. Try to ride head over heels down a mountain, clutching a stool to you - this is unlikely to add health to your body. Relationships are like a slope from which two people descend. And instead of a supporting hand, the person with whom they are silent receives constant kicks and pushes. The most important thing to know in such a situation: It is useless to expect that the silent person will change over time. It won’t change, he’s quite comfortable, he has a forbidden technique. In addition, he believes that he has the right to cause such pain. This behavior is not a consequence of a personal attitude towards a person. It's more of just a universal way of responding to everything. Therefore, taking it personally is simply dangerous. Living in the constant silence of another is very harmful to mental health. And if another allows himself silence, this means that you can take all measures to ensure your own safety, without regard to his feelings. That is, it is best to stop such communication. But leaving a silent person is so easy in some ideal world. In a world where this can be impossible, because the silent person is a dearly loved person or your own mother, you will have to somehow adapt. How to live next to a silent person Be prepared that at any moment an attack of silence can begin. Always. Do not try to justify yourself, convey something, beg for forgiveness, especially to the detriment of your interests. This is cruel blackmail: do as I say or die in my eyes! Don’t lose: 8-918-253-73-83