I have discovered that for the last few weeks I have been in a manic search for stupid people among my friends and those I encounter online. Stupid means to me now that they are not far-sighted and do not take into account contexts. Whereas I consider myself smarter. Taking into account the double and triple bottom of concepts and phenomena. Although, asking yourself the question - “What other bottom do I see?” I can't always answer myself. But I fight this ignorance and the inability of others, saying - “But still, things have many layers. You can’t be so narrow-minded and take everything literally. You have to guess, or at least admit, that everything is more complicated!” Noticing that I was playing with this and had driven myself into a corner with a feeling of superiority, which was built not on something real, but on bare subjectivity, I realized that I was protecting myself from something difficult for me to bear. One smart woman told me that my radicalization seems to be connected with the fact that I cannot accept in myself, that I can be sure of something, and doubt something, and all this is in me at the same time lives. Then it turns out that even if I postulate that I am for dialogue, inside I do not believe in dialogue. And I try to unconsciously implant my truth on another, without really listening, and if he gives strong arguments, I get angry and offended. I go back to another circle - “He just doesn’t understand anything, that’s why it’s so difficult with him, that’s why he doesn’t want to accept my point of view and agree. And all because he is simply stupid, childish, uneducated, not far-sighted, and does not see the pitfalls. Doesn't want to see! It's more complicated! Exactly - he just doesn’t want to see, even though he could! What a harmful person he is. Stubborn.”I “understand” a lot about the other, and I notice almost nothing about myself here, except anger and powerlessness to change the “wrong” opinion of the other. Now it’s clear - it turns out that I don’t want to see myself like that - at the same time different - and in doubt and confident, stubborn and confused. I don't seem to be doing a more thorough job of separating these areas of stability and instability within myself. Clarity and lack of clarity. It’s easier to take a position - but everything is clear here! Or experience yourself only as not understanding anything. The processes taking place in our general social field now seem to force us to quickly decide on the answer “yes or no.” This happens in our lives at work or in the family, in a couple. But it has less intensity. When you see this process of “decide or lose” in the information field, it captivates you more. This intensity blows away and imprints many of us. Instilling the illusion of no choice to be the way you feel comfortable. The illusion of the unnecessaryness of merging with common aspirations, hopes, experiences. I think that this text became possible after I stopped actively watching YouTube and other media. I did this intuitively, through disgust, so that I could turn on Myself, my voice. Start doing the work of getting out of the merger with the general flow of feelings, and then getting out of the merger with some processes within yourself. You manage to divide your sensations, feelings and beliefs into something separate, more structured. Unravel the lump of “everything at once” in order to act less destructively due to the lack of understanding of who I am and who the other is. Lack of orientation. When merging with the general process, it is difficult to remain “not understanding anything” for at least some of the necessary time. As if it is very important to start understanding something immediately. It’s already yesterday to have, and not yet develop, a point of view. Ambiguity and lack of understanding of one’s processes only leads to grasping at others and looking for an ambush in others. But here’s the ambush - most often, for most of us, personal processes are also not clear, in this general field. By grasping at another, poorly understanding what is happening to me, I will only bring more confusion into my life. Becoming more and more driven, through guilt, shame and fear and a false sense of superiority, as protection from these difficult experiences.