From the author: interview with the portal www.interfax.by The reluctance of men to become fathers can be due to many reasons. Psychologist Vitaly Bulyga spoke about the main ones, as well as whether it is possible to change a spouse’s negative attitude towards the role of a parent, to the portal www.interfax.by. In the image and likeness of the parental family Psychological unpreparedness for parenthood is a common problem. As a rule, it is the result of a distorted view of marriage. It is purchased by people from disadvantaged families - in the broad sense. It has long been proven that the mother and father play a decisive role in shaping the image of the family. A person subconsciously perceives a parental family model, even an unsuccessful one, as a model. This is why family pathologies (infidelity, divorce, abortion, single motherhood and fatherhood, various types of addictions - from alcoholism to workaholism - and codependency) often do not allow grown children to create harmonious families. For people who grew up in problematic families, the role of a parent is usually not easy. They may perceive it as a burden, an unpleasant duty, and even consciously refuse it. So, men sometimes decide not to become fathers if...1. ...they are afraid to repeat parental mistakes. Sometimes a man disavows the role of a father because he is sure that he will be a “terrible parent.” Similar fears are experienced by those representatives of the stronger sex whose childhood was overshadowed by difficult, traumatic relationships with their father and/or mother, who did not receive enough love, respect and recognition from them.2. ...they did not see relevant examples in their environment. Social circles and society as a whole also influence a person’s attitude towards marriage and parenthood. For example, if a young man is brought up in an environment where casual sexual relationships, infidelity, fling, pick-up artists and childfree movements are not only not condemned, but even welcomed, the role of a father may turn out to be unattractive for him.3. ...pregnancy occurred by accidentAn unplanned pregnancy is an unpleasant event for many couples, especially those not related by marital ties. However, if women in the event of a crisis pregnancy may think about preserving the embryonic life, then men often insist on an abortion or simply retreat. This is explained by the fact that a man needs time to realize that he is a father (even in the future), and a woman is able to feel like a mother at the moment when she learns that conception has occurred. 4. ...they are trying to force paternity on them. Admittedly, these are not uncommon situations. This is not only about the ignoble goals of representatives of the fairer sex - to marry oneself, to tie or hold on to oneself, to secure a source of financing, etc. Sometimes this step is taken by women whose ardent desire to become a mother is condemned by their husband or simply does not support. Various techniques are used - from starvation to the point of deception (for example, a woman does not inform her husband of her intentions to “continue the family” and informs him of the pregnancy after the fact). Naturally, in such cases, the man feels humiliated, used and cannot rejoice at the news of his wife or girlfriend’s pregnancy.5. ...they have become victims of social stereotypes. Many modern men are in no hurry to have children because they are sure that children are a burden, an obstacle to their career, an obstacle to achieving and maintaining financial well-being, in general, an obstacle to success. The fear of looking like a loser in the eyes of society is the result of aggressive anti-family and anti-child propaganda that has been waged in recent decades, says psychologist Vitaly Bulyga. Making the role of a parent attractive: not easy, but possible. For a woman whose desire to have a child is sluggish or categorically not welcomed by her husband, it is first worth finding out , what is the true reason for his refusal to experience the “joys of parental care.” Various psychological obstacles require a special approach; sometimes it is impossible to do without the intervention of a specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist). However, general recommendations may be sufficient