In December 2012, I invited all my subscribers to ask me one question that was most important to them specifically. I subsequently planned to use these questions as a reason to write an article. In a similar way, it seemed to me that it would be possible to kill two birds with one stone at the same time - and find a topic for mailing and do something useful for my subscribers. But it didn’t turn out exactly what I had in mind. This outcome could have been predicted - most of the letters sent to me touched on the same topic: How to get the girl you love back. Apparently, the course of the same name, created by me back in 2008, forever secured my reputation as an expert in these matters. That’s why they contact me extremely rarely with others. Each of those who wrote wanted me to delve into their specific situation and give a comprehensive answer that would suit him - about what can be done right now so that their girlfriend returns to them. Alas , I do not believe in advice that is general to everyone, made after reading even a rather lengthy letter. Just like I don’t believe that all the girls who left need to be returned. Therefore, I cannot respond to such requests and calls by mailing. But I also don’t think it’s right to completely ignore the topic of broken relationships, since this request exists. In this article, I invite you to speculate about why and how painful breakups happen in general? After all, this is very strange! Agree, the fact that a man experiences strong emotions during a breakup and makes so much effort to correct what happened can only mean one thing - the girl is dear to him. And to assume that this value appeared in her only after breaking up is the same as arguing that in days without communication you can become much more attached to a person than in years of living together. I do not believe in this. But I believe that after a loss you can realize how dear a person was before and how much he meant to you all the previous time. What then prevented such awareness before? Habit (as popular rumor claims)? Blurred look? Your own stupidity? Or simply laziness? How did it happen that the breakup became unexpected? But most often this is exactly the case - people usually anticipate and prevent expected changes for the worse. Sami. Without outside help. Or, at least, they prepare for them mentally in advance. Cases of painful breakups, although they do not always occur simultaneously, but last for a long time, begin, as a rule, suddenly. I think one of the explanations for this is the incorrect definition of one’s own boundaries. I am convinced that the separation itself occurs much earlier than both the participant is consciously recorded. And the initiator of this is the one who later turns out to be the injured party. Man. From the moment he takes the relationship with his girlfriend beyond the boundaries of his interests, a gradual process of alienation begins. Sometimes this actually happens after years of living together, but sometimes just a few days after meeting. Relationships with a girl, I repeat, are endured they seem to be “out of brackets.” They exist, it's great. But that's all. Like there is an elevator in his house, a parking lot near his office, a building materials store near the sports club. How there are a million things beyond his psychological boundaries. Relationships become a pleasant addition to something IMPORTANT. What is important is within the boundaries. What exactly is this? I can only fantasize. Perhaps a business. Maybe self-development, yoga. Serving the Lord. Job. Relationships with friends, sports... A person is passionate about something special. That is where his attention is, where his interest is. It is around this special thing that he builds his own boundaries. And beyond these boundaries quite often there is something that he already considers ordinary. Background: I have met people who, after being asked to list their family members, named sister, brother, mom and dad, completely forgetting about the existence of their wife and children. One of my acquaintances, organizing a trip for a friendly company to nature, also