Good afternoon, Alexey! I want to ask a rather difficult question that concerns everyone. A couple of years ago my father died. My mother and my father were divorced, they went to different cities, rarely communicated, but every call was very important and sensual for me. Still, my father was worried about him. He worked a lot and practically did not take care of his health. Father died. I received medical documents and was shocked, to be honest. There is a whole “bouquet” of sores. The question is that my mother is also a super working person and there is no excuse to drag her to the hospital. She doesn't go on vacation, she doesn't go on vacation. I don’t know how to encourage her to have an annual examination at least once a year. I myself just live in another city and it’s hard to persuade me remotely over the phone and I don’t want to refer to my father, saying, “Look how sick he was, you can’t do that.” What should I do? How to force you to take care of your health? Psychologist-hypnologist Alexey Rusakevich answers: Hello. It is very important to understand not how to push your mother to investigate, but why it bothers you. You have already done the necessary things that you can do for your mother - you reminded her, gave her doctors’ contacts, offered to make an appointment or help make an appointment, it’s possible, you’re ready to pay, and so on. But the person doesn’t want this. This is her choice, she is an adult and you cannot force her, because you are not a parent. This must be hard to accept. Why? Perhaps because you have a fear of loss due to what happened to your father. Because of the fear of loss, there may have been a fear of loneliness or other emotions that you felt during the loss. You strive to take care of your mother, and in doing so, you are actually fighting the fear of loss. Perhaps due to the fact that you have not yet experienced the loss and have not processed the loss of your father. And these emotions create tension, which you fight consciously or unconsciously with the help of caring for your mother. Mom needed examinations less than you did - this is a reason to work on yourself. You need to work with the loss - live through the loss of your father, accept, be sad if you weren’t sad, cry if you didn’t cry, rebel and be indignant if you didn’t have time to do it. Picture: https://clck.ru/33WKuj And still accept the fact that our parents, unfortunately, cannot live forever. And this is unpleasant, painful, bad, but the world does not consist only of light colors. It consists of dark ones, this is its harmony and, to some extent, beauty. This will have to be accepted in order to have a realistic picture of the world. You need to realize that parents are not eternal, we are not eternal, and even our children, who are forever younger than us, are not eternal either. This is unpleasant, but it is important to understand that there is a certain percentage that a person may not become. And there is a one hundred percent chance that one day he will not become. Our task is to be prepared for this and not to concentrate on the moment of loss, we need to learn to concentrate on the moment of joy of communication. I repeat, we need to accept the fact that one day we will lose everything, including ourselves. This is sad, unpleasant, but this is a real picture of the world. It does not create distortion. But if we cannot accept some reality that is painful for us, we experience tension and struggle with it. Accordingly, your tension comes through the struggle with your mother’s reluctance to take care of your health. This is where tension in relationships begins - instead of enjoying each other, you use communication to fight the future, which may scare you. Again, you just need to accept the fact that this is an adult. One day, he too will be gone, and you have the opportunity to communicate with this person. Shift your attention to this and it will become easier. If it is difficult to switch your attention, work on it - experience the loss of your father within yourself and it will become easier. Accept the loss of your father, accept the fact of the loss of loved ones in general - you will automatically begin to value communication more, appreciate the moment more. It just works that way because you won't have to fight the future anymore. Mental strength! Analysis.