Hello dear friends, today I was asked if there are any rules for arguing. I answer that there is, knowing these three rules, you will stop arguing and start interacting with each other. RULE 1 Pause. If you feel that you are not in control of yourself, another moment will pass and you and your husband will cross swords - learn to take a pause. Italian passions are of course good, but the main thing is that the participants remain safe and sound. Otherwise there will be no one to sort things out with). Step aside and take ten deep breaths in and out, breathing so that the exhalation lengthens, the longer your exhalation, the more the core will be inhibited and you will calm down. Feel like the Creator of your family planet and feel that you can destroy it. Tell yourself that you are the center of calm and want (not to prove) but to be understood and heard. And if your partner is not ready to hear you and gain sanity, lower the curtain. You calmly say that until you calm down, my dear or darling, there will be no conversation in such a tone, close it and move it and under no circumstances should you bang your head against the wall in an attempt to be heard. RULE 2 Generalization. In a quarrel, people often begin to unconsciously make generalizations - (global generalizations or cognitive distortions), such as you always do everything wrong, you always don’t listen to me, you always should, you never... etc. Using this draws you even more into conflict and pushes back the possibility of reconciliation and spins the flywheel of aggression. Always start with what unites you like - “Dear, you and I have already overcome so much together, we’ve been through so much and we love each other so much...”, secondly, from your feelings (I feel angry because of your action, not your personality, etc.), and then speak specifically and factually, assessing your partner’s behavior. The founder of Gestalt psychology, F. Perls, considered generalization to be “elephant dung,” and indeed there is some similarity in this. RULE 3. Integration and scheduling. Firstly, no matter how hard it is for you, dear friends, during the conflict process, learn to immediately configure its parameters and control it, this must be done at the very beginning. Like “You and I are fighting now, why the hell are we trying to overcome this conflict, why, tell me please? Should we stay together, resolve it and remove it from our relationship to strengthen it, or are we now fighting in order to break up and go our separate ways forever? Secondly, if within a week you have many complaints or reproaches from a friend to a friend, make it a rule to set aside certain days and time in order to devote it to solving and analyzing these conflicts. For example: “We express everything to each other, only three times a week Mon, Wed and Fri from 20:00 to 20:30. And the rest of the time we don't do this. And I also forgot to say that both partners definitely need a magic HYSTERICAL Rug or a chair; whoever wants to have a hysteria and express their feelings lies down, sits down and expresses them. Thank you for your precious attention, dear friends, and see you again). To all my readers, don’t leave without a gift), who has not yet downloaded my new and free book “Guide to a Happy Relationship”, all the secrets and tricks for healthy relationships, here is the link https://vk.com/club152763070 - I will be glad to see you at yourself visiting, add me) I have a lot of interesting things. And there in the group, my new post on Autogenic training to strengthen self-confidence. Ps. If the article was interesting for you, don’t forget about thanks)