What comes first, a man’s betrayal or a woman’s thoughts, knowledge about betrayal as such? Why does a man cheat and how does this relate to the woman’s already existing position on this issue? Where, when and from whom does a girl get knowledge about betrayal and how to respond to it? If, as a child, my mother/grandmother/aunt conveyed her attitude towards this. Mom lived through betrayal, she felt something, she mentally drew conclusions, she lived like that. And now the daughter unconsciously learns to react in exactly this way to betrayal. She understands, whether it’s good or bad, that at the same time you feel pain and resentment. You say to yourself - well, everyone lives like this, and I will live. What comes first, the unconscious program of a girl, then a girl, a woman, and then a meeting with a man who will cheat? After all, you already know how to react to betrayal. Question for girls whose men cheat – what do you broadcast to your children? They learn everything from us, even if it is not voiced out loud. Maybe reconsider this question? Return this way of reacting to your mother, learn differently and convey exactly this to your man? What will change in a man’s behavior if you change? This also applies to men. Everything you broadcast - your thoughts, actions, emotions - children absorb like a sponge. If the husband cheated when the woman was pregnant, then there were quarrels, tears - all this is recorded by the baby as a way of survival. Betrayal, quarrel, tears, hysterics... and I survived! Such situations are more likely to be present later in the adult life of this child. Quite the opposite, this can be written about men. As a child, as a little boy, he read everything that was in the relationship between mom and dad. No one spoke about this out loud. Perhaps memory displaced these difficult scenes when the parents were sorting things out. Mom continues to endure her husband’s regular infidelities, she suffers a lot, but “for the sake of the children” she “preserves the family.” As an adult, he begins to encounter women cheating on him. And in general, it doesn’t matter who cheated on him – dad to mom or mom to dad. I have written down a program for the presence of infidelity between a man and a woman and the way to respond to them. In therapy we reveal all these points, there is a realization that this is just my usual way of reacting, which I once learned. I broadcast something and somehow I react like my mother once did. We return it to mom. Thank you! This method no longer suits me. Now I can do it differently! It’s important to understand here, how can I live differently now? What has changed inside me? What I feel? How does my body react? How do I want? Friends, if similar situations occur in your life, there is no need to look for those to blame. Start with yourself - is this your reaction, your program, your choice? Sometimes a person has an awareness, a rethinking of the entire situation, perhaps his entire life. When you understand your usual ways of reacting, it is clear who lived this way before, then it is easier to look at the situation from a different angle and make a decision. It's time for change. Natalya Demyanets psychologist, psychosomatics specialist.