It would seem that we are all adults and there is no need to learn this. But as practice shows, it is the childish position of one or both partners that leads to misunderstandings, quarrels and conflicts. Adult dialogue is about safety, sincerity, awareness and acceptance. It’s always about win-win. At the moment of making the decision to approach your partner, we remove any signs of struggle, create a “field of love.” But as? We consciously return ourselves to the idea that we ourselves chose our man. We fell in love with him for some good qualities. And yes, at the time of quarrels and conflicts, we have a desire to express all our negative emotions. We realize this, accept all our feelings and return ourselves to the source of love. And only in a serene state do we go to talk. Emotions are a space for manipulation, so talking about emotions is a priori a failure. A common “field of love” allows you to discuss what you want together. A man reveals vulnerable places, he is sure that you “will not throw a stone at him.” Then we learn to speak. In a conversation, be sure to be aware of the wording and be attentive to your words. Adult dialogue involves "I-messages". "You-messages" are accusatory. Therefore, it is better to remove them. Let's say the husband comes home from work very late without warning. The wife says to him: “As always, you came very late, without warning.” The wife, using you-statements, conveys a message to her husband in the form of a reproach. The husband wants to either make excuses or launch a counter attack. An alternative is I-messages. Wife: “Dima, when you come home so late without warning, I worry if everything is okay with you?” The I-message formula allows you to shift the focus to yourself, to your feelings (without blaming your partner). In the second option, the husband will easily agree to look for solutions. We also always replace all orders with requests. The order does not leave your partner the right to refuse you. The request sounds softer, pronounced with the energy of gratitude, without expectations. To summarize, - a common “field of love”, sincerity, security - allows you to openly discuss what you want together; - in adult dialogue, it is necessary to be aware of the wording with which we communicate; - we are responsible only for our emotions and reactions, leaving ours to our partner; - if we are not comfortable in the dialogue, staying in it or not is our choice.