The article will not talk about what words to refuse in response to requests that you do not want to accept - we all know these words, but about those internal obstacles that force us agree even in those cases that we later regret. When a client says, “I can’t say no to a loved one or colleague,” we understand that this is not an entirely correct formulation - a person really “can’t,” for example, fly like bird, but he can say “no”. Obstacles can interfere with this - fear of negative consequences, guilt, other people's attitudes. When discussing this topic with a client, there is a good screening question - what are you risking if you say “no”, what are you afraid of? And often the client says that he is worried that his interlocutor may be offended, upset, angry, or that he will reject him, end the relationship - in a word, he will have some unpleasant consequences. Where does this anxiety come from? Most often, of course, from childhood experience. For example, strict parents who give specific instructions on how and what to do. The authority of the parents and the child’s dependence on them do their job - they teach the child to see only one option in a situation of requests and demands from the outside - consent. Directive parents often have a common request - “an offer that cannot be refused.” As you know, in addition to the adult part, each of us has a child part - our inner child. Already in adulthood, in various trigger situations based on negative childhood experiences, our childish part is activated and we sometimes look through children's eyes at what is happening at the present time. Why this is important to understand is because our anxious expectations are often distorted and exaggerated. And testing either by logical thinking, or a fact check, or a psychological experiment shows that nothing terrible happens and the majority of healthy normal people react normally when we talk about what is important to us, that there are some reasons why we we will or will not do this or that. This is fine! Also, as a result of childhood experience, as a result of upbringing, we may have the feeling that what is important to us is less significant than the interests and needs of other people. Then, of course, it’s difficult to say “no.” In childhood, there may be such a story - an early understanding of the need to take care of someone in the family can lead to the child developing an attitude that other people, including adults, are weaker . Then an adult does not dare to say “no” not because of fear, but because of guilt. “How can I help if a person can’t handle it himself, if he can’t, but I can.” If a person answers the test question “no, I’m not guilty” and “no, I’m not scared,” then perhaps the reason is that it is important for him to be good in his own eyes. Of course, this also comes from childhood, when parents gave a message to the child about how a “good person” behaves. It is possible that they are “good people” and do not refuse help. And our motivation for not saying “no” is often related to the fact that we want to remain perceived by ourselves as “good people.” For us, this is very important from the point of view of self-esteem - a person feels in relative comfort when he has very little that he can say about himself, that “this is what I did wrong.” And in such a situation, of course, it is necessary to conduct an audit and level out the parental messages that are not useful for us, the old rules and principles. And replace them with more adequate, more sensible, more rational ones and act based on them. What is good for others is not necessarily suitable for us in our lives and in modern realities. It is important to remember that you cannot give part of yourself - your life, your time, money, well-being for the sake of others, without receiving anything in return. We cannot call any of these models unequivocally negative - there are different situations in life that require concessions and compromises . It is important to understand here that the only