Sometimes, based on discussions of articles, new ones are born to me. So today there will be a text based on the comments to the previous one. Under the publication about hunger in relationships, a small conversation took place. I wrote about the fact that it makes sense to periodically check in with yourself about what hunger looks like for what I want from another, because where my hunger swells to gigantic proportions, my expectations from another become overly important, destroying relationships, and sometimes another, accordingly the tension grows, but there is little sense, because in the place where I need to take something and give myself, I have a damper, the energy does not flow there, leading me to satisfaction of needs and saturation, and relationships to development , but is blocked at the place of this damper. One beautiful woman in response shared her view and her sadness. The bottom line was that for those whose hunger is insatiable, change is not always available; some are destined to remain a bottomless barrel forever. Not everyone will be able to do this, not everyone has the opportunity to remove the cause. Someone will have to live with a deficit that cannot be filled in principle. Moreover, there are a number of conditions when you shouldn’t interfere at all, so as not to collapse what you have. I completely agree with this comment. Moreover, I look at the psychotherapeutic process not so much as transformational, but as (primarily) adaptive. Often the best thing possible is to learn to live with what you have. But asking yourself testing questions is still useful. Moreover, when I wrote about the need to check in with myself, I did not mean any subsequent changes. Vice versa. I proposed questions for verification precisely so that there would be more space for life, being in some way a bottomless barrel. What is the benefit of checking with oneself? Firstly, claims against another go away. I stop believing that the conditional Masha, who does not satisfy my need, is so melting, not good, who does not give, although she has it, and this helps me maintain my relationship with Masha. And even I can find gratitude to Masha for what she gives me. Secondly, I stop scolding and punishing myself for setting too high standards, inability to be in a relationship, and so on. I understand that my mechanism that interferes with me is huge and complex, which means it is useless to beat myself with a stick, forcing me to endure Machine “imperfection” and my reactions to it. Thirdly, I shift the focus of attention to how my hunger works . Accordingly, I can change something one day if I pay more attention to him. PS: If a person reaches therapy, a psychologist can feed him for some time. But not to the full, but in such a way that the need to find “food” on your own remains. Being no longer super hungry, but simply hungry, a person may one day be able to not only take something, but also eliminate what was preventing normal satiation.