- What part of life completely belongs to you and only you? Pause.- In what sense???- Do you have time for yourself, free, for nothing and no one? busy, not promised to anyone, which you devote to your interests, hobbies, sports, or spend it idle? Opposite me, eyes wide open from hearing the words, eyes full of tears... After all, practically none of the above is really in her life... Alas, but so It has become a tradition that in Russian culture, in our society as a whole, self-sacrifice and self-abasement have been extolled and praised in every possible way for many years. One involuntarily recalls the lines of I. Bunin: “... a European person, alien to the Russian passion for all kinds of self-destruction, will never understand.” At the beginning of the post, I cited a dialogue with a client who completely and completely devoted herself exclusively to her family, work, everyday life, friends, never refused anyone anything, tirelessly solved problems and put out the fires of others... Everyone drank from this source, and The source has long since run out of energy. Due to the fact that a healthy habit was not formed, or rather, internal permission to fill up somewhere, because it is not worthy. Hence, as a result, it is a pity to spend money on yourself, and so is precious time. And in general, why should you take care of yourself in any way? After all, basic needs in the form of shelter and food are satisfied, and the rest is an unthinkable excess. The life span of “universal helpers” who do not value themselves is short-lived. Unfortunately, they leave, quickly wasting their energy and vitality. Anticipating questions about how to change thinking, ideology in this case, and what will actually help you take the opposite path to self-sacrifice called “self-care and love,” I will answer honestly: it is simple and difficult at the same time. It all depends on the motivation and character of the individual. Some people will never want to part with the role of a victim. But I’ll write about this in another article someday... For those who have decided to live in accordance with their own values, interests and goals, I will offer an effective plan: 1. Write down all your “wants” on a piece of paper: real and exorbitant, big and small. This action will allow you to get to know yourself better.2. Try to gradually begin to build healthy personal physical and psychological boundaries - a balance between your own desires and the needs of other people.3. Learn to take a break! When you are asked for something, first give yourself the opportunity to think about whether you want or are ready to fulfill this or that request. This will reveal your inner basis, the so-called healthy egoism. Attention! There is no call for cynicism, low moral qualities and failure to help others in difficult and difficult situations.4. Every day, try to allocate time for yourself, your pleasures, preferences, at first for at least 15-20 minutes, but regularly. This is where you will need a list with your “wants.” Gradually, step by step, you will like the new habits, because the results will be pleasing: the level of energy and self-esteem will increase, including the improvement of your condition and inner mood, and changes in the quality of life will become noticeable. I can’t promise that the transformation that has taken place will be immediately understood, accepted, and even more so appreciated by those who have so far used you to their advantage. Just know: people close and distant to you need some time to get used to it and readjust... Most likely, they will rebel a little and demand that everything be returned back 😜, but you hold on! It is likely that the environment will change, since it is no longer so easy to call a genie from a jug on demand. Perhaps you yourself want to break up with someone. And this is quite normal. Go ahead, try it! Personal growth and living your own life have not been canceled. Feel free to set out on a journey towards yourself and your Source with the words of Henry David Thoreau: “Live the life you have imagined.” Did you like the article? I will be grateful for ❤ and comments. PS Coach for entrepreneurs,.