From the author: About how a simple game with a child helps solve his psychological difficulties. (Using the example of a child’s adaptation to the conditions of a kindergarten). I will tell you one story that succinctly and clearly shows how important it is for parents to play with their child, and how play works wonders in the family. The mother of a little girl came to see me with a question about how to solve the problem of her daughter’s adaptation to the conditions of kindergarten. In response to my question about what was troubling her, Irina (all names are fictitious) told me what was happening to her and her daughter when she took her to kindergarten. She spoke for a long time, often breaking into tears in order to give vent to the grief that had accumulated over several weeks. Her only 3-year-old daughter Alina, whom she and her husband loved very much, and with whom she had a strong mutual affection, began every morning with the question of whether she needed to go to kindergarten today. As soon as Alina heard an affirmative answer, she began to cry, screaming that she did not want to go to kindergarten, that she felt bad there without her mother. In the kindergarten, the teachers literally took away the child who was clinging to his mother and carried the crying girl to the group. Mom herself, no longer holding back her tears, came to work and, instead of getting involved in solving professional problems, spent her energy on thoughts and worries about how Alina was feeling now. Every morning the situation worsened. Since the girl had no appetite in the morning due to stress, and the teachers tried their best to feed Alina porridge, she soon began to experience nausea and vomiting when the group arrived. Then Alina stopped having lunch and dinner. It was necessary There was an urgent need to solve the problem of the child’s adaptation to kindergarten. Irina took her daughter to a neurologist. The neurologist prescribed a homeopathic sedative and said that the situation when a child experiences separation from his mother is normal, and that there is nothing to worry about. At home, my relationship with my daughter also began to deteriorate. Alina, according to her mother, “began throwing tantrums out of nowhere,” and Irina, discouraged by what was happening and completely in despair, began shouting at the child and scolding her for not wanting to go to kindergarten and thereby driving her mother to this point condition. Dad was also in a state of helplessness, throwing up his hands and exclaiming: “Well, what can I do?” - How much time do you spend with your daughter? - I asked Irina. - Well, practically all the time, if she is not in kindergarten. - How much time do you devote only to her, without being distracted by anything else? - Well, I don’t know. We read for about twenty minutes before going to bed. - Do you play with her? - Well, sometimes we play. - How? - ... (confused look). - She asks you to play with her? - Asks. - What? - Well, yes She has one game there, it’s kind of stupid. She asks me to pretend to be a snake with my hand, and in the end she hits the snake, but I don’t like it, I stop the game, she bursts into tears. And I don't play this with her anymore. - Great! Do you know that by inviting you to play this snake game with her, your child himself is offering you a tool for solving his psychological difficulties? - How? And then I talk about what play means for a child, how important it is to devote time to a child and follow his play, how you can use play as a therapeutic technique to defuse a child’s negative feelings: grief, fear, aggression, resentment. As homework, the mother had to devote all her attention only to her daughter for 30 minutes every day, follow her play, having discussed safety conditions in advance (you can do everything if it does not harm me, you, or our property). The most important thing is to lovingly accept the child’s discharge without judgment and thank her for any positive behavior. The second task was to establish contact with the teachers and agree that they would stop forcing the child to eat if he did not want to. Irina came to the meeting two weeks later. Outwardly, I didn’t immediately recognize her. She was a joyful, energetic girl. She said that the most important discovery for her.