When you come to work on your first day, you notice that there are formal rules and informal ones. Moreover, informal ones quite often contradict formal ones. For example, formal rules may stipulate a strict dress code, and if the majority of employees wear torn jeans, then informal rules say that the style is casual, and if you walk in this group in a formal suit - you will be looked at as a black sheep, although you follow the formal rules. And there were such conflicting formal and non-formal rules in all the companies in which I worked: both Russian and Western. The same formal and non-formal rules There are formal rules in relationships too. At the same time, it is not customary to talk openly about informal rules, because if you start talking about them, they will immediately point out to you that you are violating formal rules. It’s like in the Soviet Union - there was no sex, but children appeared from somewhere. ..Also now, in relationships between men and women, the same thing happens: one thing is often declared, but the majority acts differently, and consciously or not expects exactly the same. And here the difficulty arises - how to talk about informal rules in relationships, except with face to face with the client, citing arguments and evidence from reality: that yes, everyone says that it should be this way, but they act differently, and expect completely different actions from you than are declared. Well, for example, the example given by the biologist Drobyshevsky , it seems to be declared that it would be good for men to look like athletes: strong, pumped up, with six-pack bellies. This is sort of declared as a desired partner. Moreover, if the actions of women were in accordance with this declared desire, then through generations there would be more and more such men, due to the choice of just such men and the work of natural selection. But we don’t see this, which means that there is self-deception at play here, or what I would call: a contradiction between the formal and the informal - women choose other men and have children from them - and therefore this quality does not manifest itself more and more. Quite a lot of such formal and informal rules concern such a vulnerable and intimate topic as sex - it’s not even accepted to talk about it in some circles, but at the same time, the same people are engaged in it. It’s like a joke: and these people forbid me to pick my nose? I would like for me, at the age of 18, to be explained the non-formal rules of building relationships: you need to look after, give flowers, invite on dates, be romantic, behave “like a true gentleman” and so on - and not formal ones... At the same time, if you start discussing informal rules openly, then those who “sink for formal rules” will immediately come and will hang different labels in connection with the violation of formal rules. At the same time, these same people in their personal relationships often adhere to informal rules. If we take a work metaphor, it will be a colleague in ripped jeans who will criticize you for not dressing according to the dress code. What do you say? Have you noticed conflicting formal and informal rules in relationships? If you are a man and you are unable to find and build a relationship, then perhaps you do not know about informal rules: those expectations of women that exist, but which are not customary to talk about. I invite you to a consultation to discuss this important topic, sign up via WhatsApp: +7 (917) 578-66-59