#Mom's Leisure_interview It's good when everything is good in a couple, or rather, a lot of things are good, since there is no ideal relationship... Among our clients there are often questions about betrayal. Someone encounters them and doesn’t know what to do next... Someone chooses this path of communication themselves... We asked two psychologists Dmitry Basov and Anna Akchurina about what cheating is... CONTINUED... we asked Anna about cheating...1. Anna, please tell us about such a sensitive topic as family betrayal. Anna: Of course, I understand that there can be many reasons, but can you identify the main reasons for family betrayal. Yes, the topic is not simple and unambiguous, betrayal is tension, which exists between partners and does not find expression. What kind of tension is this: • Sexual dissatisfaction • Suppression on the part of one of the spouses • Lack of warmth, mutual understanding, intimacy • The desire to take revenge, to prove • The desire to attract attention and maintain the relationship • The desire to end the relationship, but not the ability to admit it • Isolation of partners from each other friend• Accumulated pretensions, grievances, anger• Undervaluation of one of the spouses• Violation of contact between partners• Unresolved situation in the development of the family, chronic conflict• Satisfaction of needs that cannot be satisfied in the family• The desire to increase self-esteem• Fear of real relationships• And othersOften, of course, it develops several reasons, not just one. Always before the betrayal, in a couple there are difficulties of an emotional nature, sexual, moral and psychological, financial, as a rule, partners do not pay attention to this, believing that “well, it’s okay to get better” and they move away, a cooling is felt in the relationship, some time passes and things happen betrayal. In practice, I am often approached by individuals, couples, and families who have experienced betrayal. Different parties are contacting both those who cheated themselves and those whom they cheated on. As a rule, those who cheated experience a feeling of guilt, confusion, those who cheated are in a state of shock, anger, resentment, both of them are tormented by the question of staying in the relationship or leaving, if you stay, how to forgive and trust and believe, and if you leave, how forget and how to trust a new partner. It always gets worse in situations where there are children, especially small ones. At the top I wrote some reasons that occur, however, I always research each couple and the situation of each person, since the topic of betrayal is much deeper and not as simple as it seems at first glance, since many different dynamics affect what the family faces with such a situation. What influences: 1) The personal history of each spouse and the unique childhood experience lived by each of them 2) The history of their relationship 3) The history of their parental family and family history 4) Etc. Treason serves as a kind of crutch in some families, thanks to the presence of betrayal the family is preserved, in some families, betrayal is the legalization of a completed relationship and a way out for completion and separation. Treason is always a kind of message from a given family that needs to be heard in order to understand why this family needs it. Thanks to cheating, some couples come to their senses and meet again with their loved one; others break up and the option is when infidelity is the crutch of a given family maintaining its existence. 2. Are there any statistics about who cheats more often? men or women? Anna: I don’t have such statistics; based on the complaints that I’ve had over the 9 years of my practice, there are a lot of betrayals from both men and women3. Is there any way to prevent family betrayal? Anna: In my opinion 1) If you had a traumatic experience in childhood and there are problems with trusting your partner, intimacy, tightness and complexes about yourself as a woman/man, there are high expectations of what you should your partner would recommend contacting a psychologist to solve your internal problems 2) If there have been divorces in your family, especially if your parents divorced or your parents were!