From the author: Is it possible to live constructively with jealousy, and how will it be characterized? How will it differ from jealousy lived destructively? One of the frequent women’s requests in therapeutic work is the request “Get rid of jealousy” (“Stop being jealous”, etc.). Jealousy can attack us at any age, at some moments it can even control our behavior, the adequacy of which at such moments is highly questionable. In many cases, jealousy has nothing to do with the real behavior of the partner and is based solely on the fantasies of the jealous person. When trying to find the origins of this feeling, jealousy is often associated with a feeling of possessiveness towards a partner, and with low self-esteem, and with a tendency to control - in a word, nothing good, and in general, being jealous “should be a shame.” But is jealousy so definitely harmful and bad? When starting a conversation about jealousy, let us immediately clarify: jealousy, being a complex, multi-component feeling, necessarily has a positive aspect, including incentive, tone, and healthy competition. For example, an experienced wife sees that interesting women pay attention to her partner, see something in him that she herself has not seen for a long time, and this can greatly sober up her, who has long been accustomed to taking her husband for granted, or even completely as a part of yourself. “From lying nearby for a long time, beauty fades. And others there, it turns out, notice something else!” (c) M. Zhvanetsky “When somewhere outside the house - for example, in a shopping center - I see the glances of other women directed at my husband, I begin to feel a strong desire for him” (c) woman, 32 years old, married for 7 years. But In addition to the inspiring, stimulating effect, jealousy often has the opposite effect: for a woman it can be obsessive tracking of her partner’s contacts, constant anxiety and mental pain, painful and incessant suspicions about her partner, comparisons of the latter’s movements over time, and in the case of a real rival, painful comparisons of herself with her, a feeling of one’s own worthlessness, resentment and hatred for one’s partner, and, of course, tormenting envy of one’s rival. Is it possible to stop being jealous, and what could be more important than simply “coping” with this difficult feeling, ridding your life of its painful influence? In my opinion, the way in which you experience this ambiguous feeling will be more important. Let's take a closer look at the method of living. One and the same feeling - including jealousy - can be experienced in completely different ways: you can use it for your own development, or you can use it for self-abasement and stagnation. How do you experience your own jealousy? Are you able to develop with its help, despite pain and discomfort? Jealousy as a development resource. Healthy competition - if the experience is accessible to a woman - can stimulate a woman to clean her feathers, take care of herself again and put herself in order, learn to wear beautiful things, or even lead to more global internal processes of a woman that make up her personal growth, such as: Formation of a sober and critical attitude towards oneself; Development of the ability to recognize some of one’s own shortcomings and learn to deal with them; Development of the ability, even with such interference to self-esteem, to maintain the general positive self-attitude, a holistic and “good enough” self-image; Developing the ability to cope with one’s own discomfort from the awareness of one’s imperfections, withstand this discomfort and (most importantly!) transform it into actions full of self-care and aimed at one’s own development. So, the main differences constructive living of jealousy from destructive will be: 1. the ability to use the discomfort of jealousy as an engine for one’s own development, the ability to transform this pain into concrete actions.2. These actions should have as their object not the partner and the correction of his behavior,.