When young women come to therapy with a request about relationships, then, first of all, I ask about how they found out that they had problems in this area of ​​​​life. Most often, the answer I hear is not a very clear explanation. But there is a lot of information about what the man with whom you are in a relationship is not happy with, and what he should be like. We begin to figure it out, and - lo and behold! The man next to you is not ideal! Such a discovery greatly upsets a woman; moreover, it is unpleasant to admit to herself that it was she who chose this man. But this is not all disappointment. When I tell you why there are no normal or real men, women gradually begin to panic. Something in the style of: “How can we live now?” Indeed, it’s so scary to part with convictions and beliefs that are in no way connected with reality. Usually the root of the problem is that we all (and men too) have a kind of , imago of the ideal partner. This is a set of characteristics and differences (quite large) that a man or woman must have in order to become worthy husbands or wives. It happens that, noticing in a man some characteristics from her ideal image, a woman decides that this particular representative of the male kind of suits her. But, the whole truth is that at such moments women do not use the entire set of ideality, and this is good, otherwise we would die out like dinosaurs. Everyone knows that there are no ideal people, but you really want to believe What exactly did you manage to meet such a person? The same example of women's expectations, over time. are faced with male reality. As a rule, at such moments a woman experiences stress. “How can it be, I thought, but he’s not like that at all.” Often women want to replace a real man with their ideas about the ideal, however, such an attempt does not lead to anything good. But there is always a way out. In such cases, the first thing you should pay attention to is where the woman got such an image from. Most likely, the authors of the ideal were fairy tales, films, magazines and books. And then try to debunk the ideal, and find those qualities of a man that attract you, because they are real, unlike the invented ideal. The difficulty is that it is often difficult to give up your beliefs and replace them with something that will really be useful, both for yourself a woman, and for her relationship with a man. After all, we concentrate more easily on the negative than notice something good. But this is the simplest and most effective way to solve such problems. Practicing psychologist Anton Chernykh.