In relationships, we strive for harmony and mutual understanding. Often, “mutual understanding” means that the partner should lead you the way we want. In this regard, the question arises: “How can I change my loved one so that he acts according to my desires?” Answer: no way. Of course, if you want to see next to you a downtrodden person who, out of fear, follows your lead and does everything you say, then you can manipulate him for a long time, put pressure on him, threaten him and provoke him into conflicts. Then your loved one will either leave you or become obedient and flexible, fulfilling any of your desires. Another question is that in such a relationship no one will be happy, and they will torture both partners every day until one of them decides to stop it all. If you are interested in equal, healthy and environmentally friendly relationships, then this path is not for you. Pressure, in the broadest sense of the word, always causes resistance. This can be compared to pressing a spring. The more pressure you put on it, the more it will eventually kick back when you let go. Likewise, attempts to change a person will only provoke him more into his previous behavior. Conventionally, your partner likes to drive fast. This scares you, you are afraid for his life. And so, he comes at night after such a race, and from the doorway you begin to shout at him and reprimand him for his dangerous hobby. Your position is absolutely clear and understandable, you do it out of love and care. But an aggressive serve forces a person to go on the defensive. Then he begins to take your words with hostility, and will either start shouting back, or pretend that he heard you, and continue to go about his business quietly, hiding it from you. A person can change only in one case - if he himself wants it. Making someone sincerely want to do something is impossible. The only way available to us is an honest, adult dialogue. Convey to the person not your thoughts and rational comments, but tell him about your feelings. What happens inside you when a person acts in a way you don’t like, what worries you at that moment. Then the person can listen to you and draw appropriate conclusions. And decide what is more valuable to him - the peace of his partner or his own business. There is no guarantee that the partner will choose your peace of mind. And here it is important to understand that when we love a person, we love him for who he is. In this case, you will have to ask yourself a question - am I ready to accept him this way? If the answer is negative, you should think about it: do you need this relationship? Speaking like adults and prioritizing relationships is not an innate skill. To master it, I invite you to a consultation, where, with the help of transactional analysis, we can learn to listen and talk with a partner.