A client comes to me with the problem of building close relationships with men. Here she is, smart and beautiful, but men don’t “notice” her, or they notice her, but after a short-term romance they leave her, or her next marriage collapses before her eyes. “Why do men leave me?!”, “Why have I been alone for many years?!” , "What is wrong with me?!" - questions to which answers must be found in joint work. When a woman comes to me with such a request, I know that I will have to work not only with her present, but also with her past. And in this past it will be necessary to “pull” her pains into the light of day and heal them. A few sessions after the initial treatment, I have a plan for working together. I voice what we have to work with. And the compiled “pain map” helps me with this. “Pain map” is a visual tool that helps to see “What’s wrong with me that I can’t be happy like a woman for a long time.” When the cause is determined, the result is not will keep you waiting. I’m sharing with you the algorithm of work.1. Collecting an anamnesis Several sessions after the first meeting, I have in my hands information about what was painfully happening to the client before meeting me. But, unfortunately, not everyone is not always ready to talk about the painful things that happened in their life. Sometimes women really don't remember the event. Sometimes they don’t want to talk about it, so as not to come into contact with their painful feelings. I can judge whether the client is telling everything by the way she talks or doesn’t talk about this or that period of her life. For example. “Masha, tell us about your childhood, when you were from three to seven years old.” “Oh, I don’t remember anything at this age”... “I don’t remember anything” is the bell that signals the inaccessibility of my client’s own memories. Which in turn is a sign of mental trauma.2. “Periodization”. When working with clients, I am especially interested in the age from zero to twenty-one years. I divide this period into three sub-periods, each lasting seven years: Childhood. From 0 to 7 years. Adolescence. From 8 to 14 years. Youth. From 15 to 21 years inclusive. In each age period, I indicate tragic (traumatic), painful events that happened to my client.3. "Map of painful events" For example. Elya, 38 years old: Childhood. Divorce of parents at age 3. Adolescence. A tragic event that happened before her eyes at the age of 11. Youth. Attempted rape at age 19. I add to the map as I work. Typically, most of my clients in each of the three periods have at least one event that can rightfully be called traumatic. Rape, incest, parental divorce, death of mother, or father, a tragic event that happened in front of a child - all these events are “knots” of fate in which a woman’s psyche “gets stuck.” And the client and I have to “untie” these knots.4. Gradualism. In our work we go from small to large, from a less tragic event to a more tragic one. Sometimes, a client comes to a session with a request that directly relates to a tragic event. For example, a client says: “I have a trip to the place where the tragedy happened with my father. I don’t want to come into contact with all this, but I need to go. How can I remove my fear and reluctance to go?” And then we work unscheduled with a situation that “looked out” from the unconscious. But, as a rule, everything goes on as usual. For example, first of all we “heal” a little girl who lost her father at an early age. Then we go into adolescence and there we treat an attempt at incest. Then comes it's time to heal youth when a girl was attacked with a knife by a rapist.5. Integrity. It is impossible to have harmonious relationships in the present if the so-called “freezing” of feelings occurred in the distant past. A tragic event that happened to a person in the past leads to the fact that he remains “frozen” in the present. The client stops feeling and sensing what is connected