From the author: A question from a user of the TheQuestion service. There are (or have been), perhaps, in the life of every person such people for whom everything is not right, but not So. And they can be relatives and close people and friends. How to communicate with them? There is such a concept in psychology - the Karpman Triangle - it describes models of interaction between people in which there are 3 roles: rescuer, pursuer (aggressor) and victim. Moreover, the triangle is very mobile (it rotates), and the roles are constantly changing. A person who constantly complains is, of course, a victim of circumstances and the injustice of the outside world, which in this case is the persecutor. At the same time, the “victim” clearly never admits this. And you take on the role of “rescuer”. When you show condescension, you risk becoming an aggressor, because no one likes to be made pitiful and sincerely sympathize, and then the victim begins to be offended for being disabled, and she herself becomes the aggressor, and you the victim. In such relationships, you can often feel guilty because you have some good changes in life, some kind of well-being and success. As a result of these manipulations, you can easily gradually lose your confidence, respect, energy, start, out of a desire to support your friend, remember your difficulties, failures, situations in which something did not work out for you (to show that you are not only doing well , that there are also difficulties so that it would not be so painful for him to hear about good luck). To resolve this situation, it can be useful to realize that you have been dragged into this game. If you are ready to stop playing it, try answering the following questions: - why should I do I need this person? - what do I get from this communication? - how would I like to communicate with him? - how possible is it to realize the desired form of communication? - am I ready to spend my energy on solving another person’s problem? In this place you can also think about whether it is necessary to break off relations with this person? Because it could be a close relative, husband (wife), partner, child. It is important to understand here that this person is trying to make you responsible for his life. Are you able to do this? Is this person able to take responsibility himself (is this an adult, independent, healthy, capable person)? If there is no way to break off the relationship, you can build a dialogue like this: - tell me, how can I help you - specifically? - what are you ready to do yourself (and )?And recommend that he find a good specialist - a psychologist. Or go to a specialist together if it is your spouse. Photo by: Maria Dubinina, 2018