From the author: I am publishing an answer to a subscriber’s question. Dear readers, I will be glad to receive comments and new questions! The answers will be in the form of articles or notes :)) Question: how to set boundaries with private employers? The girl’s story goes like this (I convey it verbatim): “The fact is that I’ve been stuck in the same situation for many years.. I’m doing apartment renovations.. well. and, accordingly, I have quite close contact with customers, the problems are mainly with women customers after 50 years old... They begin to think about manipulating just to pay less... Then, as soon as she “wins” her mother, she will cry like a child. Then they begin to arrange some kind of friendship in their benefits, of course...How would it be possible to avoid this familiarity...how to behave and pose so as not to offend, but also to make it clear that this number will not work with me...I just now thought that they are trying to play on the feeling of guilt a child to his parents... Some kind of duty and respect for elders or something... Well, I’m not a social worker, and I’m not a Timurovite)) And they can fuck up their brains to such an extent with their personal problems that they are ready to at least beat up a person and give up everything... And then this mess doesn’t get out of your head for weeks...playing as if and what if...And you begin to hate the people, these murdered “dwellings” neglected by these same women And such dirty women who are too lazy...to wash their own floors.. .”An interesting situation, in my opinion, often encountered among the Russian mentality! Violation of boundaries is “our everything.” For the girl, this situation becomes a problem, let's try to figure it out. First. Violation of boundaries is a common phenomenon. It was actually brought up in the USSR generation! Thinking and deciding for your neighbor, getting involved everywhere you need to and not, but to yourself - that’s later, it doesn’t matter, don’t be selfish. Let others think for you. Currently, the issue of boundaries comes up very often. The most important thing here is: Take responsibility for your feelings. ONLY for your own. For example: I’m in a bad mood now, I don’t want to talk or communicate. Therefore, I will politely say this (“I’m not in the mood to talk today,” “I’m not interested,” “Sorry, I’m focused on work,” etc.). How my chatty customer will feel is not my problem. This shouldn't worry me at all! No matter how and no matter how it hurts him (her), the adult will “chew it on himself.” Take responsibility for your actions. ONLY for your own. I clearly know what my job is. I value my work and know how much it costs. I can't charge less or I'll "accidentally" do a worse job. I value my work, and therefore I know how to work efficiently. My price is a guarantee of my work and quality. I cannot and do not want to reduce these guarantees, I know my business. There is a saying “don’t look into someone else’s wallet.” This is exactly how you should treat other people's money. I don’t know this person, her (his) life, abilities, circumstances and conditions, and he (s) doesn’t know mine. I don’t think about how much he (s) can pay me, it’s someone else’s wallet. I know one thing - how much my work costs. In network marketing training, the stages of offer and sale are always well and clearly prescribed. And this is a great idea! Each phrase is written down in detail on a piece of paper: what and how I offer, how I talk about the product/service, how I discuss the cost (written in the most detail!). Everything is planned minute by minute: how much of my working time I give to another person, and what exactly I do. A very useful planning skill! So, the best way out of a situation is not to enter into it. Clearly plan the stages of offering and providing services, comply with them and take only your responsibility. Analyze what is happening. What's happening now? Why does he/she do this? “Uncover” the manipulations. And ask yourself the question “why do I need this?” if, for example, you are invited to a table or a familiar attitude. Asking “why” instead of “why” helps to reveal the other person’s intentions and your own. The second interesting point in this situation: most often the difficulties…