From the author: How to more calmly and easily survive the death of a loved one? Death is always somewhere nearby. It comes unexpectedly, even if you have been preparing for it for several years. Despite its naturalness, the death of a loved one always causes the most severe, painful emotional states. What is the real reason for the appearance of such conditions? And how can I more calmly and easily survive the death of a loved one? I remember when my grandmother died in 1990, I first began to think about the question: - Why, when my loved one dies, I experience despair, sadness, emptiness, etc. p.? I often asked myself this question, but I could not answer it right away, because in order to answer such a complex question you need to look at it from different angles. After all, we often consider death only from one side - the negative one... At the same time, any event also carries a reverse side. That is what we will try to reveal. We all react differently to the loss of a loved one and his passing away. This depends not only on the degree of emotional connection, but also on our innate type of thinking and nervous system. For example, people with a figurative type of thinking experience this gap more vividly and emotionally. Tears and terrible dreams become their constant companions. Often children with an imaginative type of thinking, having lost a loved one (father, mother, sister, brother, friend, etc.) begin to lose their sight. This happens because the main sensor of perception of the surrounding world for people with imaginative intelligence is vision. And therefore, it is this sensor that may be the first to suffer after severe emotional upheaval and stress. People with other developed types of thinking (abstract, logical, systemic, intuitive, verbal, etc.) experience the death of a loved one less emotionally. However, the heartache of loss and grief can also be severe. !!Stages of Grief!!As a rule, after the loss of a loved one, we experience the development of certain stages of grief, which, depending on individual characteristics, manifest themselves in our perception of the tragic event. Shock and numbness (up to nine days) The news of the death of a loved one puts a person into a stupor , in which he refuses to accept what happened. However, this can manifest itself in different ways. For example, a person may fall into despair and refuse to prepare for the funeral, retreating into his inner world. Or, on the contrary, he manifests himself most actively, taking part in preparations for the funeral and actively supporting other relatives. At this stage, the main thing is to find time to have a good cry and even sob (if there is such a desire internally). Tears are an innate medicine that helps to very effectively release suppressed emotions and nervous tension. Denial of loss (up to forty days) Starting from the wake and beyond, thoughts may come that your loved one has not died, that he is walking nearby somewhere. During this period, you often have dreams with the deceased, “communication” with him occurs in a dream. If dreams and thoughts about the deceased become constant and begin to disturb you, it means you have not yet accepted the loss and therefore, deep down in your soul, you will also suffer. During this time stage, the main thing is the complete acceptance of one of the immutable laws of nature - the transition of matter to another state. Acceptance of loss (up to six months) A couple of months after the loss, a state of devastation may occur due to exhaustion of strength: it seems to the person that he will never feel good again, pain very strong. Various thoughts and feelings may arise (feelings of guilt, why did you leave me, how am I now without you, etc.). These are absolutely normal thoughts, especially for those who actually received pleasant emotions from the deceased when he was still was alive. At this stage, it is important not only to accept the death of a loved one, but also to understand that all these thoughts and feelings in relation to the loss of a loved one are just self-pity. We don’t feel sorry for the deceased, we feel sorry for ourselves, that we have lost something valuable in our life and cannot get pleasure from it. Relief (up toyears) During this period, a complete acceptance of a loved one occurs, as a deceased person, and relief and even a surge of strength gradually sets in. There comes a state that you can easily cope with grief next time. However, waves of spleen can occur in the evenings and at this stage. It is important to understand that this is the same self-pity. Therefore, feeling sorry for ourselves, we only increase our suffering. !!How to neutralize the psychological trauma caused by the death of a loved one? Method of instant neutralization of psychological trauma (twist)!! Despite the severity of what is happening, there are still psychotherapeutic techniques that in a natural way can quickly and effectively get rid of pain, shock, and internal suffering due to the loss of a loved one. If you are experiencing severe shock and severe mental pain. For this you will need more one person who will be the “processor” in your independent psychotherapy session. If no one is near you, you can do this completely on your own. What does this look like? Turn off your phone and other devices. Let no one bother you at this moment. Stand on the floor with your feet in a comfortable position, shoulder-width apart. Close your eyes and feel yourself here and now, feel your breath and your feet on the floor. Remember the most traumatic moment in the event with the deceased person. Imagine that you are watching a video and take a freeze frame at the most difficult moment for you. Then, describe: - the picture (what you see in front of you). The picture should not move. This is a freeze frame. - emotions. Whatever emotions you are experiencing at the moment, try to consciously feel them in your body. - thought. Try to track what thought you had at the most difficult moment and what thoughts you are now experiencing. After that, point the index finger of your dominant hand at the center of this frame and begin to slowly move around your axis. Approximately 3-4 revolutions. At this moment it is important to intensify all your emotions, sensations, pain. You drag this picture with your finger so that it does not disappear, time does not change and you do not resist your feelings and thoughts. It is better to have a partner with you who would hold you by the shoulders and turn you, and at the same time help you feel everything negative emotions and experiences. End of the process: Lower your hand, open your eyes. Look what happened to the traumatic moment. If you are still experiencing pain and heaviness, then you need to repeat this exercise 2-3 more times. The important thing here is that you consciously and intentionally experience all your pain and those emotions that you are trying to suppress within yourself. This method allows you to experience grief and let off “steam” in the form of an emotional charge and thereby free yourself from psychological trauma. Then, take a deep breath and imagine that every cell of your body is filled with light and acceptance. What to do if in a day, week or month all this pain and heaviness in the form of worries and suffering falls on you again? It is important to understand here that the pain of loss is associated with our self-pity. We are hurt because we have lost the emotional connection. In fact, the emotional connection has not disappeared. Emotions are born not due to external factors, but due to our thinking. It is our thoughts that create our reality. What is important is not even the deceased himself, but how you perceive him. Your perception creates an emotional connection. But what if you understand everything, but suffering and pain are still somewhere deep down in your soul? Since suffering is caused by self-pity, instead of internal experiences it is best to switch to empathy for other people. Empathy to others means that instead of your emotions and sensations, you are trying to understand the thoughts, desires, and feelings of other people. These could be your loved ones, friends or strangers. The main thing here is to switch attention from yourself to others. Feel like them, put their feelings first and, as they say, absorb the thoughts, emotions and desires of these people as if they were yours/