Dedicated to adults who experienced violence in childhood. You are a survivor. Violence inflicted on a child is imprinted on the body and psyche, like bytes of information on a hard drive. Growing up does not always provide release from this memory, especially when this memory has been suppressed and denied for years as unacceptable and shameful. This memory returns over time and begins to dictate the attitude towards oneself, others and the world. This article will talk about the forms of violence and the consequences that they have on a person’s life. The reasons for the use of violent actions will not be considered. Powerlessness opens the way to violence. Emotional violence Ignoring This type of violence is characterized by intentionally depriving a child of attention to his needs, desires, feelings and the very fact of presence. Not noticing a child while washing dishes and standing with your back to him is not ignoring. Ignoring is: When a child cries, and a parent walks by, takes the phone and sits down scroll through your Instagram feed*, pretending that nothing is happening. When a little girl comes up to her dad and asks to glue a bow to a doll, and in response, dad asks to play with another doll, without lowering his eyes to his daughter. When a child asks to buy a toy, and the mother does not react to the words in any way and simply remains silent. In ignoring, the main tool of punishment is the lack of eye contact and silence. The conclusion that the child will draw in his head is that they don’t see my feelings, thoughts, desires, needs, and therefore they do not exist. Such the conclusion sets the stage for the creation of a pattern of behavior where feelings, desires and needs will be ignored and their existence denied. Doesn’t hear compliments. Devaluation A person’s abilities, knowledge, feelings, needs, desires, hobbies, and the very existence of a person can be devalued. “Don’t bother your head with all this nonsense”; “Do you need it?”; “You’re not in pain, don’t pretend”; “If it weren’t for you, then I would have long ago...";"Who holds a screwdriver like that";"Why so happy? There’s nothing to smile about, etc.” The conclusion that the child will make in his head is that my feelings, needs, desires are not important, and therefore you shouldn’t pay attention to them. The behavior pattern is a reduction or denial of the significance of his achievements, his feelings and himself in general . Compliments can bring tears and are difficult to accept. Humiliation (insult) Humiliation sets itself 2 tasks: To undermine a person’s confidence in his abilities and achievements. To establish one’s superiority over the humiliated one. Examples: “A ram, stupid, oak by oak”; “Loser, dead, fat guy”; “Pimply, flat-bottomed, brainless, etc.”Humiliation from parents helps to reduce self-confidence and undermine trust in adults. The child withdraws and closes himself off from his feelings, living them on repeat. The conclusion that the child will make in his head is that I am not capable, I am not normal, I am better off being alone. If, in addition to humiliation from his parents, the child was subjected to it at school and did not receive support from adult figure (grandmother, teacher, coach), a paranoid pattern of behavior may arise - the world is not safe, there are enemies around. Compliments are treated with distrust and perceived as sarcasm. Scream Scream has several functions: A cry for help (hunger, pain, discomfort). Scream. , warning of danger. A scream aimed at intimidating and restricting actions. All of these functions are useful, however, the third has its own characteristics. On the one hand, a scream can protect oneself from hostile people, on the other hand, a scream applied to a child causes There are conflicting feelings in him. Fear and the subsequent desire to run away (attack) will collide with the feeling of love for the parent and the impossibility of causing harm, and then numbness will set in. Fear and love, coming into conflict, will introduce a serious psychological dilemma that a small child will not be able to cope with. The reaction to a cry in adulthood can be different, the most common is running away and numbness, then tears. There is no love in violence. Physical violence, beatings, blows, no matter who inflicted them,are imprinted in bodily memory and transmit information to the brain about the degree of pain that was caused. But not only pain is remembered by the body and psyche. The sound of the air cut by the belt, the volume of the footprint imprinted from the sole of the sneaker, the color of the imprint of the beating are remembered. The body and psyche remember all this. Physical pain is followed by emotional pain, because it is done by a loved one. A child may experience a state of horror due to ignorance of the limits of violence. The problem is that the child is not yet able to leave the parent, i.e. e. it becomes impossible to escape from violence. In adulthood, such people can endure beatings in the family and emotional abuse in a team for years. Self-mutilation An adult will be reminded of this type of violence by scars or missing limbs. This is a tragic reminder that there was no love. Because the only message that this reminder carries with it is physical death. If after the incident the child was not removed from the traumatic environment and surrounded by care, attention and love, but continued to be abused, then In adulthood, building relationships will be almost impossible. And it can have serious clinical consequences.Incest is about the lack of boundaries.Sexual violenceRapeNudity is a form of trust. Being naked in front of a doctor and your loved one is a form of trust. Surgery and sex are the highest form of trust, where you trust your body, and therefore your life, to another person. In sex, with consent, there is a mutual trust of life, but with coercion, there is destruction trust. Victims of sexual violence most often cannot build relationships with the gender from which the violence was committed (no trust). And either there is no romantic and intimate relationship, or the search for safe intimacy with people of the same sex. Incest The largest number of incests occurs not between an adult and a child, but between teenage relatives of approximately the same age (the difference is from 1 to 5 years). This is due not only to upbringing (the topic of sex is taboo), but also to the influence of the environment (the porn industry and its accessibility). Incest, whether consensual or forced, leaves an imprint on the perception of oneself and others. People who have committed incest and become victims of it have serious difficulties with setting and maintaining boundaries. The former often violate the boundaries of those around them, the latter blur the boundaries, letting everyone in, from which they suffer. Incest is about the absence of boundaries. Trauma of a sexual nature is one of the most painful and difficult to live with. The frequency of violent acts matters. People who have been subjected to one of the 3 forms of violence experience significant difficulties in building relationships with themselves and others, not to mention three forms at once. The frequency of violent actions matters. The more often they are repeated, the more strongly they are imprinted on the body and psyche. Building relationships with oneself, the world and the opposite sex either becomes impossible, and the person closes his own path to development, not believing that he can be treated differently, or experiences significant communicative and intimate difficulties. These difficulties arise due to the experience gained, fixed in the psyche (internal critical Parent) and the human body. Touches, phrases, sounds, places, episodes from films, intonations evoke a different range of feelings and, unfortunately, joy in this there is no spectrum. The horrors of childhood, from which a person tried to escape by growing up, as if ghosts are returning and do not allow a quality life. Sometimes there is no strength to get up and walk, And there is no one to help you on this path, And there is no one to tell you that everything will be fine, What is it It’s just the beginning, and it’s hard at the beginning. However, this does not mean that the quality of life cannot be changed. In fact, in addition to the horrors, the body and psyche remembered joy. The task of a consultant is not easy, but doable - to help let go of the horrors of childhood and find joy, to help form support and internal resource. The consultant, in a sense, performs the function of a supportive adult (not a parent),.