We all experience the “I feel bad” state very differently. Take any possible reason, for example, the pain of losing a person (in the case of a breakup in a romantic relationship, for example) - for everyone it will be something different: - one person will feel a feeling of tightness in the chest and a lump in the throat, - another will have a background be irritated by everything and everyone - the third will seem to feel nothing, and at night see bizarre scenes in dreams that indirectly reflect current experience, etc. Of course, these differences will always be associated with a bunch of obvious factors - views, characteristics of the current social and professional life, the presence/absence of close relationships, level of intelligence, etc. But the way we perceive the loss on some deeper, irrational level will also influence. And this is not only about some current features of a person’s life and his conscious point of view, but about that deep psychological landscape that is built inside the psyche from the first seconds of life, based, on the one hand, on the neurobiology of the brain and on interaction with loved ones - on the other hand. So, each of us has our own internal conflicts, our own deep (= not always conscious) feelings, our own types of attachment, our own neurophysiological characteristics, etc. In total, this determines what kind of character we will have in early childhood and Let's carry it further into the world of interaction with others, growing up. As a result, “bad” for a characterologically depressed person can become equal to an unconscious feeling of guilt, as if the loss occurred solely because of him. For the characterologically paranoid, everything could be different - with indignation and the conviction that the other is solely to blame. For a narcissistic person, one of the possible outcomes would be a feeling of indigestible shame, clothed in confusion due to a lack of understanding, how and where to move on, etc.... the situation seems to be the same, but the experience of “I feel bad” is different. And, on the one hand, this complicates everything wildly. On the other hand, the finer the “settings”, the more accurately they can be adjusted, for example, in therapy. So, it is in working with a psychologist that guilt, anger, shame or any other embodiment of any of your experiences can become noticed and understood. Without judgment and moralizing, but with exploring curiosity, a sincere desire to help, empathy and the opportunity to gain experience of how to withstand any of your manifestations. And then it becomes not so important how this very “I feel bad” feels. Because no matter how it is experienced, it no longer destroys. Ivan Sanarvin - psychologist, clinical psychologist.