From the author: This is an appeal to parents. The text contains a lot of colloquial, non-literary phrases, a minimum of terminology. This is not a scientific article, therefore, I ask literary critics and linguists to be lenient)) Dear parents! I decided to share this with you not only as a psychologist advertising his services, but also as a mother. I have three children, the oldest is 25, the middle is 16, and the youngest is 8 years old. And as my “mother’s” experience has shown, when a child experiences a systematically recurring psychological or psychosomatic symptom (moody, aggressiveness, timidity, shyness, isolation, fears, pain, laziness, negativism, etc.), it is absolutely useless and even harmful to react with the following way: - start an intensive fight against the symptom on your own - look for an explanation and ways to overcome the symptom on the Internet - consult with friends or loved ones, especially your mother)) I draw your attention specifically to a systematically recurring symptom! Rare, one-time unpleasant states of anxiety, rage, shyness, colds, etc. - these are completely natural reactions of a growing, developing living person, and it’s enough to quickly understand the situation, find information on the Internet, in books, consult with your mother, spouse, friend in order to understand and survive them. So, if I notice that “problematic “my child’s condition or behavior began to repeat itself, this is a signal that HE IS JUST SHOUTING TO ME about something very important to him, but I DO NOT HEAR, because I myself am in my own long-term or acute stress, because I am very busy with something and tense because I’m struggling with some new life problem, throwing all my strength and attention into it. And at this time, when there are no longer enough INNER resources to resolve a tense situation on all sides, I really understand that I need a high-quality, powerful EXTERNAL resource to help me, but the resource is appropriate! These are not friends or mom! This is not the Internet or a book! And such a normal, qualified and experienced psychologist! And it’s great that there is such an opportunity for my child and me to explore the hidden causes of the “sick zone” in an environmentally friendly and careful way and understand where to move next in order to harmonize the condition of the child, ourselves and relationships. So, let’s return to the topic of a recurring symptom. Information found on the Internet, from friends or loved ones, acts as a surrogate: it only creates the appearance of understanding the problem and its solution. After all, behind each symptom a child has its own special story! Yes, I don’t argue, there is statistically confirmed and generalized information about the connection between a certain type of symptoms and psychological factors. But we are talking about the TYPE of symptom, and not about the SPECIFIC condition of a SPECIFIC child with its characteristics of manifestations. The “psychological hunger” behind the symptom, a long-suppressed basic need, requires an answer to the question: what kind of need is suppressed. And then - searching for “healthy” ways of satisfaction that are suitable specifically for my child, my system, my situation. Such answers can only be obtained if the appropriate questions are asked and a psychological study of our history is carried out.Next. Why is it absolutely useless to fight the symptom itself? The symptom does not belong only to the child; its causes are not limited to him. The symptom is born in a specific SYSTEM and affects all members of this system (family, clan, school, kindergarten, etc.). And the reasons and solutions must be sought precisely within this system (In psychology there is such a concept as “codependency”). The point is not in the symptom itself, but in what lies behind it: WHAT unheard request of the child, BY WHOM unheard, what vital need is infringed and by whom. This is not the fear of being alone at home in itself, this is not a tendency to steal, this is not pugnacity in itself, not capriciousness in itself, not laziness in itself! Each symptom is specific (I repeat: very specific for a very specific.