This is such a terrible beast, betrayal, which even those girls who have never had a boy are afraid of. And the friends who didn’t have them simply have terrible information everywhere that there are betrayals. Yes, there are betrayals. Yes, it hurts. Yes, this destroys your yesterday still strong (or not so strong) world of family and relationships. But let's look at it differently. Sometimes cheating becomes such a cool twist to such a wonderful relationship that could not have become so if the cheating had not occurred. Of course, we, idealistic girls, would like our marriage to be perfect from the beginning until the very day of death. will separate us. As perfect as his white shirt at your wedding, and so that not a single stain appears on it in your entire life. But excuse me, is this possible? After all, even by the end of the wedding, this white shirt is no longer so white. When we get married, we forget one very important thing - in addition to the fact that “we” appeared, there are still “me” and “he”. And each of us will also develop, and not only now will our family develop, into which we will dissolve. There will be our personal ups and downs, our mistakes and our personal experiences, our complexes and not very healthy ambitions will rise up. Not ours for two, but our personal ones. And never, never will your husband at 20 be equal to your husband at 40. He will grow and develop, become softer in some ways, mature in others, and in others he will have to make mistakes... and sometimes these mistakes can become your pain. And one more thing we need to remember is that just because a stamp appeared in our passport, responsibilities appeared in our heads, we do not cease to be a man and a woman. This is very important. In general, from practice I can say that 60 percent of the responsibility for betrayal lies with the person who was cheated on. And here the main thing is to see this responsibility, then there is a chance to save the family. If you fall into kitchen hysteria with your friends “how could he, the asshole,” it will be of very little use. However, here is a case from practice. Four months ago, a client felt changes in her relationship with her husband; he ran out into the car, called someone, and constantly kept his phone with him. A classic, in general. The client did not limit herself to observations, but conducted what is called an investigation and discovered her husband’s correspondence with another. She threw a tantrum, threw his things out of the window, but her husband didn’t go anywhere. He didn't intend to. The client is over fifty and so is her husband. Her husband followed her tail, asked for forgiveness, said that she was dear to him, flowers were gifts, she didn’t want to lose him either, she tried to get the betrayal out of her head, but she couldn’t. After the client came to her senses, we began to analyze, But what happened to her over the last year and a half? Note that in the kitchen, his girlfriends would begin to analyze how he, such a freak, has degenerated and sat on his neck over the past year and a half. Kitchen psychotherapy in the matter of saving a family is a dubious matter... So, it turned out that the client had one granddaughter on her mind, she had gained as many as twenty kilograms, her skin was as dry as a boot, she didn’t always have makeup at all, pies and shangis for her granddaughter, and she began to call her husband “grandfather.” What kind of sex is there, pray tell, in line for a pension? So the husband began to turn his head, looking not for the grandmother, but for the woman. And I found it. However, he found a completely comical lady with low self-esteem who promised him to buy a car and an apartment if only he would drop everything and come. But not the point. What did the client do right from the very beginning? She expressed her unwillingness to put up with anything. It doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong – she set clear boundaries. Well done. In general, I recommend not to flog a fever in the event of betrayal (not everyone can do the right thing), but rather to calm down and think about what to do, and if possible, turn to a psychologist or a wise friend who has saved her family and knows its value. I also recommend that you think about whether you are ready to lose a person and a family, whether you have some responsibility for what happened (we don’t take pathological revelers into account - you either love them as they are, or