From the author: Is it necessary to help your neighbor? Or should a person go through all the trials himself in order to understand something important for himself through difficulties? Wouldn't it be better to stand quietly on the sidelines and watch? Then is this callousness? How to help a person so that he learns to help himself? Do you need to help your neighbor? Or should a person go through all the trials himself in order to understand something important for himself through difficulties? Wouldn't it be better to stand quietly on the sidelines and watch? Then is this callousness? How to help a person so that he learns to help himself? There is a beautiful model that can be used to guide your understanding of this topic. It's called the Karpman triangle. Imagine three peaks in which there is a Savior, a Victim and a Persecutor. And then some terrible events happen to the Victim - he is pestered by the Persecutor, the Victim is looking for a Savior, who undertakes to help unambiguously and gives unambiguous advice. The victim acts according to these tips and (as the first option) fails. Then she blames the Savior for everything, since she transferred responsibility for her actions to him. The Savior turns into a Victim, the Victim into a Persecutor and the new Victim is looking for a new Savior. Or the second option. The Victim, following the advice of the Savior, brutally defeats his Persecutor, thereby turning him into a Victim. The new Victim is looking for his Savior and together they take revenge on the old Victim, the current Persecutor, and together the old Savior - for what he advised. Or the third option. The Savior famously destroys the Persecutor and returns to the Victim to receive payment for his services. He can do this consciously or unconsciously throughout his life and demand gratitude from the victim. The Victim is shocked by the size of this payment and begins to look for a new Savior who will make a new Victim out of the old Savior. Thus, the triangles multiply, transform, and grow stronger. This is an endless drama, tragedy and farce that we see everywhere and around. Is there a chance to break out of this triangle? Is it possible not to hit it? The energy that powers the Karpman triangle is the transferred, relieved responsibility for actions. The victim blames the Persecutor for his failures and sets the Savior against him, trying in every possible way to get out of the situation. The Savior, without any hesitation, takes upon himself this alien responsibility, without doubting the illusory, whiny arguments of the Victim, and takes actions that ultimately bring more destruction than creation. By giving direct and specific advice to the Victim, according to which she must take certain steps, the Savior, sometimes unwillingly, takes on part of the responsibility for the result. It is completely unknown how the advice will be understood, how it will be implemented, but there is always the possibility of justifying yourself by the fact that the thoughts used in implementing the advice were not your own, and therefore, 'if something happens' there is always someone to whom you can make claims like ' I did everything as you said, but it turned out even worse." If the Victim has been playing his role for a long time and professionally, then there may be a high probability of an unconscious desire to completely fail the results of actions on advice in order to involve the Savior in his problems even more. Thus, advice often turns out to be a disservice. In order not to fall into the Karpman triangle, you need to not become a Savior and realize the harmfulness of being a Victim. The victim must, in any case, understand his own reasons for the problems and take responsibility for solving them. The Savior should not take responsibility for solving other people's problems. Otherwise, the triangles will spin with a speed and destructive force that is unexpected for the participants. If you want to help another person, then create conditions under which he would understand the reasons for his presence in the problem and take responsibility for what is happening. Next, he must understand that no one can deal with the problem better than himself - avoiding.