Children's control directly depends on the predictability of the parent. The child's anxiety increases when events occurring in the family are quite spontaneous and uncontrollable or the parents are too weak-willed. In such a situation, the child has too much freedom, which he does not yet know how to control, and then anxiety about this causes control. The child’s control is activated as a mental mechanism for self-soothing. Intuitively, the child understands that fear is afraid of certainty, the more the child does not know, the more he will try to find out, the more unpredictable behavior in the family, the more anxiety and the greater the desire to predict, and therefore control. As soon as the parent becomes predictable, takes the reins of power, sets fair rules and responsibilities, and does not show authoritarianism, then control decreases. A holy place is never empty. In communication, someone is always in the lead. If the parent does not control communication, then the child has to do it for him. That is, the child has to lead (be in charge), but he has no experience in this, and then again there is anxiety, which neither he nor the parent may even realize, much less notice. In fairness, I will mention that there are also children who are “disobedient - fighters for their freedom”; on the contrary, they experience a lack of their own power and control. And it is important to satisfy this need, but not give it away completely! At every age there is an area of ​​responsibility that must be provided to the child. An indicator that it is time to give your child a little more freedom is his conflict with you. Confused? This is the catch: you will set the rules and monitor the fulfillment of duties, the child will rebel and every time you have to ask yourself the question: am I going too far now or is the child testing me for stability. And here, unfortunately, there are no instructions, you will have to rely on your knowledge about children's psychological development, as well as your intuition and sometimes allowing, agreeing, to retreat and observe the result, if the child coped, then HURRAY, and if not, discuss the result with the child and return to previous rule or duties. In conclusion, I will say: being predictable (warning about plans for the day and your decisions), maintaining a leading position in communication, setting rules and introducing responsibilities is what will help you reduce your child’s anxiety and begin to control you a little less.