From the author: Read for women. And to men. On the issue of female sexuality. One is not born a woman, one becomes one. Simone de Beauvoir Despite the fact that this article is devoted to female sexuality, I think it will be interesting to men, especially those who sincerely care about their partner. Since any relationship, including sexual, is a mutual process, it is fair to assume that both parties are interested in the proposed topic. To begin with, female sexuality has some features in comparison with male sexuality. I will write banal things (for someone), because in my practice I encounter blatant sexual ignorance. Both among men and among women. The impression is that people grew up and were raised in the jungle, in a wolf pack. Although we must admit, men now know where the clitoris is. Already commendable. So, the specifics of female sexuality. A woman, as a species, is generally a special creature. In nature, a woman is the only species of erect and viviparous females. This is such a phenomenon. Now the features. Puberty in girls begins 1-2 years earlier than in boys. For most women, the emotional component comes first (for men, the sexual component). The process of sexual arousal and orgasm in women is much more complex, varied and individual than in men, a woman is aroused more slowly, needs caresses, intimacy, stimulation of erogenous zones, touches. The female orgasm is longer, but also more capricious. It is important for a woman to be an object of consideration and admiration. A man loves a woman because she loves him; A woman loves a man because he admires her. Klyuchevsky. These are the main most important points that men should consider. More details in a separate article. As my practice shows, most often women come with two problems - lack of sexual desire (mainly in married women) and lack of orgasm (marital status is insignificant). These problems do not lead to mental disorders and serious illnesses, but many researchers believe that by refusing sex and the pleasure associated with it, women deprive themselves of an important component of a full life and make it less harmonious. Another disadvantage is family conflicts, quarrels, reproaches, accusations of inferiority on the part of the husband, infidelity and divorce. Men sincerely cannot understand how one can live without sex. Suppressed sexual desire almost always has a reason. And these reasons are not always on the surface. Human sexuality begins to develop from birth. This process is influenced by many factors - upbringing, family relationships, parental love, prohibitions, attitudes, sexual experience, relationships with a partner, etc. But sometimes the reason for suppressed desire lies just on the surface. This is the case when a couple seeks sexological help, but at the first appointment it turns out that not a day goes by without a quarrel and, in general, they can’t stand each other’s spirits. What kind of sex is there, let alone an orgasm? It doesn’t even occur to most women who have a difficult emotional experience with lack of desire and anorgasmia that only they are responsible for their own feelings, and are able to independently improve the situation, first by finding out what exactly they lack to achieve satisfaction. This is one of the few cases when Michurin’s principle of not expecting favors from nature works. Women, it is your first responsibility to take care of your own satisfaction. You can't lie down and wait for satisfaction. Moreover, if before or during sex you concentrate on your partner’s shortcomings, household chores (isn’t it time to whitewash the ceiling...), you are unlikely to enjoy sex, no matter how technical your partner is. And while you are waiting for satisfaction, perfect sex and are unhappy with life, it passes by. Often husbands come in whose wives complain aboutanorgasmia, although at least 10 minutes pass from insertion to ejaculation. “Let it be at least half an hour, and the problem will be solved” - unfortunately, many people think so. In fact, we can talk about the mental or physical characteristics of the woman herself, or about violations of the relationship between spouses, about hidden homosexuality, finally, but increasing the already sufficient duration of the act will not help here in any case. Consultations with a sexologist or psychologist, training in marital sex therapy, sexuality training are quite capable of solving these problems. But, unfortunately, many couples consider what is happening to be almost the evil will of their partner, and therefore are not inclined to seek outside help. Women's sexology is generally much less developed than men's. This is understandable: in a patriarchal, essentially masculine society, the problems of the stronger sex have always been given much more attention than those of women. Separately, I would like to highlight situations when a woman experiences an overly expressed, downright obsessive desire to experience an orgasm. Orgasm turns into the independent and only value of sex. In sexology this is called an orgasm-centric attitude. As a result, there is a shift in emphasis in intimate life. Instead of sensual pleasure and the joy of sexual intercourse, the whole process comes down to tense anticipation of the elusive orgasm. The result is a paradox. Disappointment, reproaches, resentment, self-flagellation and hopelessness. Sexual myths or irrational beliefs contribute to the formation of such an overvaluation of orgasm. The most common false beliefs among women (women themselves cannot explain where they come from). If I learn to have an orgasm, a new life will begin for me and everything in it will change. Orgasm solves all problems in relationships (I will become an ideal woman, wife, I will tie a man to me, he will love me forever, he will be faithful to me for the rest of my earthly life, and even in the afterlife, he will only be attracted to sex with me, etc.) If I don’t experience an orgasm, it means I’m frigid, inferior, sick, I’m not okay with my head, I’m worse than others, etc. I should be like all normal women (all my friends experience orgasm, I also have to learn). This particular partner (or husband) cannot satisfy me, does everything wrong and is not able to learn. Sex must be ideal (passionate, tender, like in a movie, like a friend’s, etc.). Only vaginal orgasm is correct. Only genitogenital intercourse is correct, all other types of sexual activity and stimulation are a priori wrong, perverted and so on. Dear women, if your partner loves you only for your ability to experience orgasm, this, sorry, is very far from love. This is male vanity and self-affirmation at your expense. And you are in illusions about your relationship. Orgasm is sensual pleasure and it does not solve any global problems. Its importance should not be overestimated. Further. I was faced with the fact that many couples (even those married for 10-15 years) do not talk about sex at all; men do not know how his partner feels during sex. This is where the responsibility is mutual. Women, tell your partner how you feel, what you want and how best to do it. A man cannot read minds. There are no ready-made recipes in sex. Experiment, try different types of sexual activity, expand the range of sexual acceptability, allow yourself to experience different sensations, not just the ones you are used to. Regarding correct and incorrect orgasms. Now, there is no such division. All types of orgasm are correct. The organ responsible for the female orgasm is the clitoris. And how you get an orgasm - vaginal or direct stimulation - there is only one mechanism. It’s like eating your fill of cake, or eating your fill of borscht, the result is the same, the sensations are different. So, you are not satisfied with your sex life. Ask yourself a question..