Photo from the collection of free images Pixabay.Com As I showed in this article, the mother’s attitude towards the child can be different. Personally, I use two metaphors: “kind mother” (this is when the child is lucky) and “predatory incubator” (when he is less fortunate). Why “less”? Because even in the case of a “predatory incubator” there are options: the child either remains with his mother, who completely destroys his independence; or he manages to break free and run away. And it seems like a “happy ending”... But don’t rush to rejoice. Maybe “happy”, but not yet “end”. Because mommy continues her game. She forges her own happiness, personal happiness, as she understands it. And life is a tough thing. Sometimes very, very much so. It happens that this very life deals a crushing blow to the child who has escaped from the mother’s tentacles. In the sense that it completely unsettles you. This can happen to anyone. And a person in such a situation needs rest and support. As a rule, you can get it from your parents, from your mother. If she is a good mother. What if it’s a “predatory incubator”? After a life blow, a child who has escaped, out of despair, can return to such a mother. Just to stay in life. He opens up to her again and begins to trust. Maternal influence is restored. And mommy uses this chance to the fullest. She couldn’t hold the child and break him off, well, nothing, life broke him off, the child crawled, and now mommy won’t let him out. Figuratively speaking, she’ll insert a sting and pump up poison: she’ll inspire you that you can’t live without a mother, and you’re not for anyone but your mother. needed; it will intimidate that it will be even worse; it will undermine confidence and hope for any improvement, it will inspire that everything will only get worse - this is what binding mothers do, to whom runaway offspring crawl after life’s blows. After all, for mommy this is a chance to restore the dependence of a partially freed child. And mommy uses it. After such a crawl, the child most often stays with mommy. Because he fluttered into life, fluttered, got hit in the tower. This means that life is evil, but mommy is kind. Why fly anywhere else, you’re already convinced of everything, brother! A forced return to your mother can set a person back several years. And it’s good if he finds the strength to break out again. I say this from my own experience. In order not to roll back in the event of emergency situations, not to return to a binding mother who satisfies her own needs at the expense of the child, you need to prepare for life’s blows in advance: find a person in advance to whom you can talk, pour out your soul, cry, this can be a pre-selected psychotherapist, some kind of support group, or at least a 12-step group on the Internet where you can make a “hot call”); prepare in advance a place where you can, figuratively speaking, lie down and lick your wounds, alone, so that no one did not interfere; prepare a cash stash in advance so that you can not think about work for at least three months, because life’s blows can be such that it is impossible to work, if only you could stay alive. These points need to be foreseen in advance. And to the mother, if she is a “predatory incubator "You can't go back. Under no circumstances. Otherwise it’s a fiasco. If you break out once, it is not a fact that you will break out a second time. It's like with alcohol. Quit drinking - great, well done, stay sober. And if you relapse, it’s not a fact that you’ll be able to quit a second time. It is very likely that you will get drunk and die. The article is included in the book by Alexey Tukmakov “Mommy’s Cure: Send the Incubator to Resign” The book can be bought at Litres