I'm not a robot

CAPTCHA

Privacy - Terms

reCAPTCHA v4
Link



















Original text

Spiritual closeness in a relationship solves 95% of all problems in a couple. How to restore emotional intimacy between partners? The first and most important point is whether there is a confidential dialogue between you and your partner? It is trust, and not communication, when you throw insults, accusations, demands at each other, and communicate some expectations. Confidential dialogue involves a deep conversation between partners when you share your feelings and experiences. If you understand that grievances, worries, unexpressed anger have accumulated over a long time, and in general the relationship has practically fallen apart, this is a signal for a regular “negotiation table” with your partner (at least once a week, discuss what and who is not happy with). However, it is important here not to blame your loved one, not to attack him so that he has to defend himself from you, but to build a dialogue in such a way that he hears and understands your pain. Listen to your partner and hear his pain, understand what painful points you might have touched. Your task in this dialogue is first of all to understand your loved one, and then to bear your pain. When one of you takes the first step, the second will follow him (you must admit, it will be difficult not to hear you in response if you have heard your partner’s pain). And here it is important to say: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry that you took my words this way. That's not what I meant at all and I didn't mean to hurt you. I don’t think the fault lies with me, but I completely understand your pain.” Learn to share your childhood traumas with your partner and thereby explain why you reacted the way you did when he was about to hurt you. Only in this way will you be able to treat your loved one with greater understanding and next time you will remain silent in a similar situation (or will not use painful phrases to smooth out the conversation). In fact, everything happens automatically if you realize what mines you are stepping on in your partner’s soul. Develop the skill of both hearing and talking about your feelings, traumas, and experiences. This is intimacy, when you let a person into your soul, you can look into him and not get lost there, not merge with him, not absorb each other, but hear, understand and model the behavior of each of you for the next similar situation. An important point is that each of the partners should not have the conviction that the other will not understand, will not hear, and does not care. No, that's not true! And if you have confidence that your partner is able to hear, you will speak, then the dialogue will build itself. Communication is also creativity; you need to be able to adapt to your partner, adapt to different situations. At some moments a person can be very vulnerable, at others less so - and this is a different model of behavior (somewhere a joke is appropriate, and somewhere a humorous remark will cause deep offense). That is why be extremely attentive to your partner and what is happening in his inner life. Couple is the ability to share your inner life, hear and notice it. Relationship support. You should always support each other. Remember that in a relationship, each of us is as vulnerable as children are, and any word can hurt a partner to the very heart and settle deep in the soul. Be careful in your statements and in evaluating your loved one. If your partner complains or shares difficulties, first of all support him, even if you see that he is wrong in his work relationship (for example, he had a fight with his work colleagues, considers them idiots): “I sympathize that this is happening in your life. It’s a pity that the team is so strange and disjointed and reacts this way.” Of course, if you notice his true behavior, you should talk about the energy that he brings to the working relationship, but this is best done when your partner directly asks you, tormented by constantly arising unpleasant situations: “Why? Why is it that at every new workplace everyone