In the process of therapy, we learn to recognize our feelings. Feelings are an excellent indicator of our aliveness. How vividly and fully we experience them, we can say we experience a “taste” for life. Without feeling, our life becomes insipid. Because... I work and specialize in working with codependent behavior, then codependency, like any addiction, is just running away and avoiding one’s feelings. And one of the frequent questions that you can hear in my office is: “How do you feel when you tell me about this?” It is quite possible that this question will take you by surprise and confuse you. After all, throughout your life, few people, and maybe no one at all, were interested in what you were feeling or experiencing at one time or another. On the contrary, “negatively” colored feelings were tabooed and suppressed, as well as joyful, bright feelings, because, as my mother used to say: “Oh, I laughed so hard that something bad could happen tomorrow,” i.e. The message is, if you rejoice greatly, you will invite disaster. And then there is no place for joy either, everything hides inside and deeper. Why is it necessary to be aware of our feelings and what is happening to us? Feelings are some kind of guardians of our borders. They also perform a protective function. Let me explain. If you, for example, feel angry, then this is a clear sign that your boundaries are being violated or encroached upon. When we get angry, we just come out of the merger, separate, become separated, retreat to a certain distance and begin not only to see the other, but we ourselves become visible and seen. But because We weren’t taught this, so identifying your feelings is difficult at first. In general, the parent teaches the child when he mirrors his feelings to him, for example, saying: “I see that you are upset and sad right now” or “I understand that this situation makes you feel angry and I really understand you, I would also be angry at This". The child, feeling and seeing that a person significant to him accepts him in different ways, in his different emotional states, subsequently knows and understands what he is like, what he wants from himself, others and from life in general. And what to do now, you ask? Can this be learned? Everything is really simple on the one hand. If in any situation you have a feeling of discomfort, you suddenly feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or doubt creeps in that something is wrong here, then this is quite enough for a start to stop, start looking around or taking a closer look at the situation or to a person. This is enough for a start to start listening to yourself and at least moving away or leaving those places where these doubts arise. To begin with, it is enough to focus on whether I feel good with this person, people, in this place or, on the contrary, I am not pleasant, not cozy and not comfortable here. And on the other hand, in order to begin to understand more about yourself, to be more aware of your feelings and what is happening to you, I invite you to personal therapy and group therapy, where we begin to work very painstakingly, scrupulously, sometimes it may not be clear and painful at first over your requests. Where in the process of communicating our work, a different model of interaction begins to form. A model where you are understood, accepted and seen with all your emotions and feelings. Where you can live them and freely talk about them, show them, express them and know for sure that they will not only not be stopped or rejected, on the contrary, your emotions will be welcomed! That they are not afraid, they do not condemn you for this, but on the contrary, they say that what is happening to you now is normal and natural, because you are a living person, which means that all those feelings that arise in you, you have every right to them. Tatyana Ilyina, Gestalt therapist, emotional dependence specialist, group therapist.