How to free yourself from the curse of the family?! Part 2 We continue to understand how we shape our reality. In the last article, we analyzed the chain of perception and creation of reality: Thoughts (aka beliefs/interpretation) – Emotions (caused by thoughts) – again Thoughts – Actions – Result/Context. Our thoughts, how we interpret a situation and the emotions that arise in this situation are largely determined by how it was accepted in our family and society. It often seems to us that some emotions are absolutely natural and how could we live without them. Those. we have attitudes (read prism) through which we perceive our life. For example, in an exam situation, be nervous or upset if something doesn’t work out. It’s like “necessarily” taking medications and antipyretics if you are sick. Do you think this is necessary or is it possible not to drink? And this is, as they say in the popular psychological joke, “a load-bearing structure.” In life it looks like this: 1) A situation occurs 2) We have thoughts regarding this situation. These thoughts, naturally, are conditionally * “negative”, because positive thoughts do not bother us and we do not run to a psychologist with them. And how wonderful it would be: “Oh, help me understand why I’m so happy))” 3) Since these thoughts are (conditionally) “negative”, from the series “how could he/she do this to me...” , “this is unfair,” “I was offended..” and further down the list, then we begin to experience corresponding “negative” feelings such as anger, anxiety, aggression, apathy, resentment... 4) Experiencing “negative” feelings, we begin to perceive the situation negatively and behave in accordance with these feelings. And we have the same “negative” context/result in the form of a quarrel, mutual claims, bad mood, unwillingness to do something/live on, and so on.* Why are they “conditionally” negative - because I proceed from the perception of a reality where there is no “ positive" and "negative" emotions. All emotions are given to us for a specific purpose, all of them are, in particular, indicators of our attitudes. Those. “positive” emotions speak about attitudes that expand our lives, “negative” emotions about attitudes that limit us. Let's remove the “curse” from ourselves! So how can we help ourselves in a situation when we are suffering, feeling emotional pain, i.e. We are tormented by “negative” emotions. In the future, I plan to talk more about this topic. Now I will describe a few simple but effective actions. Let's take a break. We find ourselves in an unpleasant situation = we have experienced a “negative” emotion, we take a break. We don’t answer, we don’t react. We observe our emotions. We shift the focus of attention from the situation/other people (context) to ourselves and train the observer. We ask ourselves: how do I feel now? We observe the state, the emotion. What did I think before I felt this feeling? What thoughts caused this feeling? This way we keep track of our settings. An effective way would be to write down all your thoughts on the topic of the situation. And see which of these looks like settings, i.e. The “rigid mental constructs” that you believe in are taken for granted. “People always hurt me,” “he doesn’t appreciate me,” “I’m a loser.” Treat it as a thought, just a thought. The task is to admit, for now, simply to admit the idea that this attitude may be erroneous. And find examples of when this was not the case. For example, now I am offended because I think “I am not valued,” but I can remember situations that indicate the opposite, that I am valued and loved. By training the “inner observer” we learn not to take for granted all the thoughts that we have in our heads, to question them. This means not being influenced by situations and emotions. We train positive interpretation. All, I repeat all, situations in our lives can be interpreted positively. We ask ourselves: What is good in this situation? What's good for me? If suddenly this situation turns out to be too difficult for you, you can at least try not to “hang” a negative label on it, i.e. perceive it neutrally. Situation!