In a personal message, I received a question: “My husband and I decided to get a divorce. How to tell your child about this. He is 4 years old.” Answer: This will be a difficult conversation for both you and the child. But, of course, we need to talk. The child will have to face global changes. And this cannot pass unnoticed and painlessly. It is better if he faces this stress not one on one, but when parents are nearby who can support and comfort him. Recommendations: It is better to talk with the child in advance. In two weeks. So that he has time to adapt a little to the changes. Try to have both parents participate in the conversation with the child (if possible). Say that divorce is your mutual decision (even if it is not). Prepare for this conversation so that you speak in one key.🔻Do not swear or blame in front of a child. The purpose of this conversation is to tell him about the upcoming changes. And not to sort out the relationship between you.🔻Divorce is a sad event for all of you. And convincing a child that nothing special is happening is not worth it. Speak honestly and in simple words about the reasons for the divorce. But in general terms, without any juicy details.🔻 Say that it’s no one’s fault in a divorce, that this happens sometimes. For example: “Dad and I began to quarrel often, so we decided to live separately.” Talk to your child without haste, calm him down. There will be many questions and they need to be answered.🔻Tell the child that you are still his mom and dad and that you love him.🔻Tell who the child will live with and when he will see the other parent (decide this in advance).🔻 Do not give your child false hopes that you will get back together.🔻Say that grandparents, aunts, and uncles are still relatives and we communicate with them as before.🔻If one of the spouses begins to be overcome by emotions during a conversation, then It's better to take a break. Saying, for example: “It’s difficult for all of us now. Mom is very upset. Let’s continue the conversation a little later.” Remember, this is a conversation for the well-being of the child. Not for you. You resolve your issues without his participation. The child can react very violently. It is important that you have the strength to support him. If the condition of one of the parents leaves much to be desired, then it is more useful for him to first talk to a psychologist, and then talk with the child. Sincerely, psychologist, family psychologist, relationship consultant, Lyudmila Firsova