The idea came to write an article on this topic in connection with the sad statistics in our city on the number of marriages and divorces. According to statistics, 2/3 of those getting married in our city break up. Why is this happening? After all, every couple who has decided to register a marriage dreams of living a long, happy life, confident in their love and in the fact that their couple will definitely escape all adversity and sorrow. What's going on? Let's look at what can cause family breakdown. In the format of this article we will only touch on some aspects of this issue. And the first thing I would like to talk about: the stages of relationship formation. The first stage is “pseudo-unity”. The so-called period of falling in love, the candy-bouquet period. At this stage, we seem to be wearing rose-colored glasses, fascinated by our chosen ones, we see only the positive sides in them, their merits, and we show ourselves only from the good side. And at this stage we can get married, being married, being in the illusion that we will be like this all our lives. And often couples are not ready for the second stage, called “chaos,” in which we begin to notice the shortcomings of our chosen ones, and they begin to understand that we are not so ideal. And at this stage mutual claims and discontent appear. And if couples do not know how to constructively resolve conflict situations, becoming closer and more deeply understanding each other’s needs and desires, then at this stage there is a risk of the couple breaking up. It turns out that there are more shortcomings, complaints, and dissatisfaction than the attractive features that charmed you at the very beginning of the relationship, which are already taken for granted and are not appreciated. When breaking up at this stage, couples explain their breakup by saying that “the love has passed.” And they go into a new relationship, for a new portion of the “doping” of love, not realizing that in this couple too, after a while, a stage of “chaos” awaits them. The next stage of the relationship: “silence.” At which we understand all the pros and cons, we know the advantages and disadvantages, we were both fascinated and disappointed, and this is the stage at which we, as it were, within ourselves, in silence, decide to stay in a couple or break up. And finally, the fourth stage is “unity,” in which we consciously choose to be together, no matter what, understanding and accepting each other and allowing ourselves and our partner to be themselves. We get acquainted and understand these stages in detail at the training “Relationships Leading to the Goal.” Equally important is the purpose for which, with what intention we enter into marriage. If a girl has dreamed of a beautiful wedding since childhood, a luxurious dress (which is basically the end of all the fairy tales that children hear from early childhood), it may also happen that after such a luxurious wedding there will not be a long, happy, life together. After all, the goal has been achieved. Someone dreams of having a child in marriage, someone needs constant guaranteed sex, someone gets married because “the time has come,” all her friends are already married, but I’m somehow behind, etc. It is important to understand for what purpose I really want to get married. What is my real motivation? After all, if the subconscious goal is achieved, there is no point in continuing the relationship. And this applies not only to young families. There are familiar cases when a couple is united by a common goal and desire to raise children, provide education, get married or get married. And, having done all this, to the surprise of family and friends, couples who have lived together for so many years get divorced. Understanding the fact that you have achieved your previous or current goals, it is important to set the following general family goals in order to save the family from possible disintegration. After all, looking for something better in a new relationship does not always lead to satisfaction. The next aspect that I would like to consider is the ability to be happy yourself, without assigning responsibility for your happiness and demanding this from your partners. For many people, happiness is a rather conditional concept and depends on the actions or inaction of a partner. AND.