Incredible, but true - this exists. Instead of joy, a person experiences a state of stress. What does such a person feel when he hears good things about himself? He feels both pleasant and difficult, and somehow very awkward. It seems like I want this to continue, but it would soon be over. And the desire to hear more and more is mixed with a furtive feeling that this is undeserved, and it is terribly immodest and not good to enjoy what is happening so openly. It is absolutely impossible to calmly listen and accept these words. It’s unthinkable to just take it all for yourself and stop there. No, you urgently need to do something in response: smile, speak, thank. Exactly do it. Because Doing is a universal salvation from simple Being. And in this case, being with another person’s love for oneself is very difficult. Therefore, it is better to start answering as quickly as possible, without letting the person finish. With your flow of gratitude, silence him and save yourself from this awkwardness of accepting attention addressed to you. They gave you a gift - you urgently need to give something in return. They gave me a compliment - more words of gratitude than I received myself. And peace comes only after one manages to inflict good in return. Or, for example, a man loves a woman. Sincerely and deeply. What’s going on with the woman at this time? “You can’t love me. And such a good man cannot love me like that. This means he: - doesn’t love (he deceives, wants to use), - loves, but is mistaken (he’ll find out what kind of me I am and immediately stop loving him), - there’s something wrong with him (the most effective way to neutralize a good man is to find a flaw in him).” The psychological meaning of these actions is to rather return back the good that they wanted to give to the person. Without leaving anything behind, you find yourself again with an unfulfilled need for love and acceptance. After all, living with attention deficit is common and familiar. And although it’s hard, it’s bearable. Does a person really want love? He really wants it! He just can’t take it. It is unknown what is harder for him - if no one pays attention to him, or if, God forbid, they notice him. So it turns out that he seems to be starving, surrounded by a variety of aromatic dishes. Much and often is said about the “ability to give”... But if you take a closer look, then with the “ability to take” (receive, keep) everything is also not as simple as it seems. It turns out that another person who wants and can give his attention is not enough. Something else is needed in order to be imbued with love. What is it? The fact is that a person who grew up in a deficit of love and warmth will unconsciously repeat such relationships in later life. He will choose people who reject him. And those who really love him are not interesting to him. He doesn’t know what to do with a person whose love he doesn’t need to achieve, for whom he doesn’t need to fight. With a person who is available, does not abandon or betray. He will always be bored and ask “what next?” This feeling of boredom, a sudden loss of interest almost immediately after the desired object is received, is very characteristic. Because what happens next after a person is conquered is unknown. Thus, a person endlessly recreates the relationships in which he grew up. If he has suffered from excessive inhibitions or coercion, he will behave in such a way that he will force people around him to forbid him something and force him to do something. Or he will perceive their absolutely harmless actions as a prohibition or coercion. He will sincerely and genuinely suffer, but find himself in this situation again and again. Thus, in an effort to finally build the desired relationship, he will recreate situations with amazing accuracy, with an unhappy ending. Freud called this phenomenon forced repetition, meaning that we have a need to replay situations and relationships that were especially difficult and painful in early childhood. We do this in the unconscious hope of changing the unhappy scenario. However, a train set on the wrong track.