From the author: The word “uncompromising” seems to have a positive connotation. A person leads his own line, is persistent, does not agree to half measures, and brings what he starts to the end. Or is it a little different? The word “uncompromising” seems to have a positive connotation. A person leads his own line, is persistent, does not agree to half measures, and brings what he starts to the end. Or is it a little different? Uncompromising - intractable, stubborn, persistent? We won’t look into the dictionary, but let’s turn to ourselves. Let us remember that in some situations it is really important for us to be uncompromising - for example, in the fight for our own rights, defending our interests, when we can confidently and clearly express our thoughts and ideas and demand that, for example, our claim in court be satisfied. To do this, we can even attract lawyers who will consistently defend our chosen line. And in some situations, we need to be able to compromise - if, for example, we are politicians and diplomats or just family people - and we are going to live for a long time with one partner. He wants to go to the theater, and she wants to go to the cinema, he wants to visit, and she wants to stay at home. These are small things, not to mention something more serious. So, is compromise in one’s attitude good or bad? In relation to your life plans, your childhood history, your “terrible” or truly terrible parents? One of the most prominent psychoanalysts of the twentieth century, Melanie Klein, wrote about two positions between which we move throughout our lives: paranoid-schizoid and depressive. In the first of them, we, as a rule, are uncompromising in relation to others and ourselves - we think “black and white”, we are angry with all our might at our terrible childhood and misunderstanding parents, at our loved ones. Or, on the contrary, we fall into idealization - how wonderful the past was and how exciting and alarming the future is, how kind our parents were and we, of course, cannot be the same towards them. We needed such splitting in infancy, when we needed to escape from destructive feelings and anxiety from the fact that in the world we came into, nothing was clear and scary. Then the mother is “good” or “bad”, kind or evil. We place all our anxieties and fears in the “evil” one, and console ourselves in the “good” one and hope for the best. When we are in a depressed, according to Melanie Klein, more adult and mature position, we achieve an internal understanding, sometimes felt even at the bodily level, that we emerge from black and white thinking into the ocean of life, we begin to perceive it as it really is. We do not need to label objects as “good” or “evil.” We are forced, indeed forced, in order to accept this life, to be sad and grieve that it is like this, it has developed this way, it is passing and will someday end, and we will not have time to do everything that we would like to do. We won’t read all the books, we won’t help everyone who needs our help, we won’t see all the beautiful places on Earth. Simply because life is short and not painless. And this can be called a compromise with life - we can never defeat it and subjugate it to ourselves. She is who she is. This pain and sadness is closer and clearer to us when we are in a depressive position. Another sad truth is that we will never fully become adults, but will always swing between these positions. We need our uncompromisingness when we make plans, decide to do something at any cost, apply will and effort. Our ability to compromise is needed, for example, so that we can forgive ourselves for not being able to do something. And so - in a circle, continuing this “swing”, moving from one position to another. And in order to become wiser in this swing, not to lose strength, but to gain it, come to a psychotherapist for help. Sign up for a consultation: +7 (921) 597-03-99 (What'sApp, Viber) FB: FB_LINKВК: vk.com/mfrantcevSkype: mfrantsevMaxim Frantsev