From the author: In one model for explaining domestic violence, called the “Wheel of Power and Control,” the abuser maintains power and control over his partner by using multiple forms of violence, only occasionally resorting to the physical. In one model for explaining domestic violence, called the “Wheel of Power and Control,” the abuser maintains power and control over his partner by using multiple forms of violence, with only occasional physical violence. And this can be observed in any relationship where there is a disposition of power, incl. and in child-parent rooms. This more comprehensive understanding of the situation allows us to design a slightly different type of work with the authors of violence - not only at the level of tracking behavior (in search of the cycle of violence, which is also very valuable in itself), but also at the level of an alternative in all areas of life. Those. instead of threats - support, instead of devaluation - respect, instead of economic violence - healthy agreements. This all becomes possible when you understand the value of relationships with your partner and with your own children. That is why the author of violence is ready to work on re-evaluating a huge layer of his personal history. The motivation for change for the sake of a partner or for the sake of children cannot be completely supportive, since it is rather external. Intrinsic motivation is the search for the value that underlies the preservation of a particular relationship. You can ask yourself a question - why is it important for me to maintain or build my relationship with my child/children? What will happen next if I leave everything as it is? How might this affect our relationship in a month, a year, five, ten years? Is this really the future I want? Today I saw a picture: a mother was holding a two-year-old baby by the arm, catching up with his older brother, about four years old, who rode ahead on a bicycle. The baby, as it happens, went ahead, without looking back, and not knowing that he was heading in the other direction, and his mother was calling him back. At some point, his mother, obviously emotional, caught up with him and first scolded him, then hit him in the face several times. I am not about condemning or discussing this situation now, but about what happened later. A familiar situation, for some even painfully familiar. Then the mother told her son to follow them, and went ahead, and the son, stuck on a bump with a bicycle wheel, began shouting to her, probably to wait (in a non-Russian language, I don’t know what he was shouting exactly). I turned to the baby and saw his face, distorted with hatred. Now, to meet such a person in relation to ourselves, to meet a corresponding attitude towards ourselves, to meet indifference or cruelty towards ourselves, and then, in the future, to recognize a domestic tyrant in our grown-up son - is this what we want? Of course not. We, as parents, want to be loved, valued and respected, to listen to opinions and experience, to take into account our needs and desires. Therefore, one of the areas of work with the authors of violence is the transformation of all patterns of interaction, at the center of which will be the strengthening of good affection and good enough relationships.