Why do we have such different attitudes towards the world and others? What does it depend on? We often experience similar feelings towards completely different people or places, situations. It depends on them or from us? More often, especially at the beginning of communication or when we have little heart-to-heart communication with a person, through the projection mechanism we believe that people are somehow in tune with us. For example, we can assume that everyone loves us and have no doubt in this, but you can see hostility towards yourself in every neutral look and be convinced of this. Is the first or second better? In fact, neither one nor the other. One-sided conviction is always not about reality. Both our attitude towards others and theirs attitude towards us is dynamic and depends on a mass of constant and changing factors. To understand where, most likely, your projection onto reality is, and not reality itself as it is, I suggest you do this. Take a sheet of paper (preferably A3) and draw it schematically on it are the main places that you visited or lived in from childhood until now. Then write under each place: - its name; - location; - how old you were, when you were there, went there; - how to You were treated there; - how you felt there; - how you treated others in that place; - what remained unfinished in this place for you (are there strong emotional triggers, very unpleasant and even very pleasant memories that you are still fixated on). As you fill out such a map, conclusions will suggest themselves. For example, if a child grew up in a dysfunctional family system, he, alas, had a very narrow circle of contacts outside such a family, since usually dysfunctional families isolate themselves from informal communication with outside families and people and become closed in on themselves. That is, such a child’s experience of relating to himself, others and the world will be very monotonous and meager. As an adult, he will see in the entire surrounding world such a dysfunctional family and feel and act (and more often inaction) based on this vision. It turns out that it is fatal? I am not a supporter of fate... The problem is precisely the lack of versatile communication, which can be completely eliminated in adulthood, although and not without internal and external difficulties. Draw on your diagram those places where you have never been, but would really like to visit in childhood or now, or where you absolutely need to visit in order to realize your plans. Picture of the world and vision of yourself in this world quite easily expands if you fill your childhood deficit of communication with different people and communities, which will certainly contribute to obtaining a new, healthy, positive experience of self-awareness and understanding of the dynamics of real communication. How to do this? Go to such communication where it is already organized (psychotherapy , professional psychological trainings, educational courses, public organizations, temple, transformation games, clubs, concerts, public events, fitness, etc.) despite sometimes strong internal protest (habits are difficult to change). Choose from the places visited those that are interesting , to taste in the atmosphere of communication and pleasant in the sense of self, useful for deepening self-understanding. Visit there more often to soak up both the atmosphere and new experiences. Over time, varied communication will become familiar and comfortable, self-confidence and courage in social contacts will increase. Like a locality is not equal to a map, and reality is not equal to the picture of the world that we have in our heads. And the more your over-conviction of what is bad and what is good, the more your picture of the world needs correction. Everything is learned “in the field” or constantly alive communication. That’s where we go. In theory, a healthy psyche should constantly adjust its picture of the world when external and internal conditions change, but sometimes it gets stuck in the past perception, which becomes a fence for the fluidity of life, life seems to freeze in place, in Groundhog Day. Important note : choice of communication 2024