From the author: the article was first published on my blog. Many people, one way or another, come to the conclusion that they do not love and do not accept themselves. What is self-acceptance, how to learn it? - people ask. Dislike, non-acceptance of oneself, of course, grows out of childhood. We are taught from birth that we are not good enough. That we need to work on ourselves, correct here, improve there, be “more” than we really are - more purposeful, flexible, understanding. We are told what we should be. And this gap - between who we are and what we should be - creates a powerful source of anxiety that poisons life and leads to a complete misunderstanding of who I am and what I am really capable of. Until we accept ourselves, we are not We accept others too - with all their imperfections. We don't allow them to be stupid, weak, unsuccessful. And, by the way, we don’t allow ourselves either. It’s as if we are cutting ourselves and people in half: this is what is good and bright, I take it, the rest is not necessary, change it, hide it. No. Only when we begin to see ourselves as a whole, as a whole (somewhere good, somewhere not so good), recognize and accept this, we see others as multifaceted, not truncated, in some ways close to us, and in others strangers. And we give ourselves and those around us the right to be ourselves, no better or worse than others. Just the right to be different. Accepting yourself means realizing your own worth, your full right to live, breathe, rejoice, suffer, make life choices, and care for others. And about myself. Self-acceptance means that you think about yourself more than about other people. Accepting yourself does not mean not thinking about others at all. This means being a healthy egoist. I emphasize – healthy. However, in our culture this is condemned, so there are only a few people among us who truly accept themselves. Self-acceptance does not cancel self-development and self-criticism. But by accepting yourself, you give yourself the right to make mistakes, admit them, correct them and not be afraid. Self-acceptance has nothing to do with narcissism and narcissism. People who are obsessed with themselves do not accept themselves. Self-acceptance means self-respect. And the understanding that your self-respect is more important than another person and your relationship with him. Therefore, if you begin to break down in your relationship with your loved one, you decide to break up with him. Yes, the decision is painful, but you do it to save yourself. The main criterion for a healthy relationship (love, family, friendship) is maintaining the self-respect of all parties. You take care of both yours and your partner, just as he takes care of your self-respect and his. Is it possible to learn to accept yourself? It's complicated. Very. Love, including self-love, it either exists or it doesn’t. This feeling is established in childhood as a reflection of the mother’s feelings. But to accept yourself, you can, for example, work through self-esteem, increasing self-confidence, through self-respect, self-approval. Here are a few steps that can help on this difficult and long path: - do not rely on external assessments, but try to understand yourself, - do not be afraid to make mistakes, - internally not only blame yourself, but also sincerely defend yourself, - learn to sincerely care about others ,—accept other people’s concern for yourself,—at least once a day, do at least something for yourself personally,—be aware of your goals, aspirations and move in this direction,—be yourself more often, and not who you would like to be, - and finally, constantly ask yourself the same question “what do I want?”, find the answer to it and fulfill your desires. Finally, the magic words of Osho: “You cannot be anyone else, but only who you are . Relax! Existence needs you just the way you are. You are here because existence needed you just the way you are! Otherwise someone else would be here. You are the embodiment of something special, significant, something very important. You can only be yourself... it is impossible for you to become someone else. You can rejoice and bloom, or you can wither if you don’t accept yourself.” Irina Chesnova, family psychologist and author of books for