Recently, among my clients there are quite a lot of clients with a narcissistic personality organization, so I decided to write such an article. If you are interested in learning more about this organization, I recommend the book “Psychoanalytic Personality Diagnostics” by Nancy McWilliams, chapter “Narcissistic Personalities”. The article will talk about both men and women, but for ease of understanding I will write in the feminine gender. Characteristic narcissistic defenses - devaluation and idealization. When working with a psychologist, a narcissist most often first idealizes the work and then devalues ​​it, and devaluation is an obligatory part of working with a narcissist and it is important for a narcissistic client to remain in contact with the psychologist at the moment of depreciation; not everyone succeeds in this, unfortunately, this is the client’s process. So how are defenses formed - devaluation and idealization? Most often, narcissistic defense is formed at the age of 1.5-2 years, when the child feels devalued by the mother: this may be due to the fact that the mother leaves to work and the girl is sent to kindergarten or to a nanny, or with the birth of a second child, or when the child is taken to stay with her grandmother for a long time, and so on. The most important thing in the trauma is that until this moment the girl felt that she was accepted, loved and abruptly “refused.” And the girl decides that her mother abandoned her - and abandoned her because something was wrong with her, and the second thing that arises - if she were “good”, her mother would not have abandoned her. After this, the child tries to understand what exactly is wrong with her: most often it has to do with her body - either because she is clumsy or because she is a girl, not a boy (for boys - because he is a boy, not a girl) or because she is too fat - and so on. Most often, this understanding that something is wrong with her helps relieve tension from uncertainty - why her mother “abandoned” her .And after this understanding - the girl begins to feel shame with her “lack of goodness” - this is how the “insignificant I” is formed. And then the idea is formed that if she tries very hard, then her mother will love her again - and this is how the “ideal I” is formed "Accordingly, in those moments when a girl in a relationship tries to be loved, she will idealize the other. And at the moment when she decides that she is already loved, she will devalue her. Author: psychologist Evgeniy Korchmarek Article on my website: How narcissistic personality is formed personality