Stronger than betrayal, I am only afraid of not finding out about betrayal Vladimir Vysotsky First of all, it is important to note that no matter how traditions, views on fidelity and betrayal change, man is a biological species, a higher mammal, and the laws of nature are embedded in us deeply on an unconscious level . This is why men and women cheat differently. And the attitude towards female infidelity is always more negative than towards male infidelity. This is due to the fact that a man and a woman at the biological level have different approaches to choosing a partner. A man (male) needs to leave as many descendants as possible, i.e. In the transfer of genes, he takes in quantity, not quality. A woman does not have the opportunity to take in quantity, since she spends a lot of physical and time resources for each child, which are limited: she bears, gives birth, and feeds. Therefore, it is important for her to “take” precisely by quality, to carefully choose a partner with a strong gene pool. Hence the attitude of men and women towards infidelity. There are many families in which the relationship between men on the side has practically no impact on the future quality of life of the spouses. Whereas cheating on a wife in 99% leads to a break in the relationship. Besides the fact that a woman can become pregnant by another (and even DNA tests will not restore trust), female infidelity for a man is the beginning of the end precisely because of the biological background. Therefore, the advice of friends and acquaintances: “Your husband cheated, cheat on him too, let him feel how hurt you are,” is a trap and rather a point in a relationship than an opportunity to continue it. Even if a man forgives and understands that he was wrong, it is still important to cope with the feeling of guilt that most often appears after betrayal. It is also important to understand what we call betrayal and where the line between fidelity and betrayal is. In the description above, obviously, cheating is sexual intercourse (sexual intercourse) with another partner. But for each person this may not be so clear. For example, in our practice, we have encountered cases where sharing one’s experiences with a friend/girlfriend of the opposite sex is considered a stronger betrayal than a physical relationship. There may also be the opposite option, when an intimate relationship on the side is not so important while the spouse returns to the family. The attitude towards cheating and what is considered cheating depends on beliefs, values, parental example (here we are not taking an example when a woman suffers cheating because she has nowhere to go, but we are considering the option when cheating is a variant of the norm for spouses or a woman’s focus on relationships between her and a man, and not with whom else her husband spends time). There is another interesting psychological phenomenon in betrayal: in most cases, mistresses do not perceive a man’s relationship with his wife as cheating on himself, although in fact the man has sex with both his mistress and with my wife. One can only speculate why this happens: perhaps due to the fact that the man is not her official partner, he is unconsciously allowed more, or perhaps because it is beneficial for her to have a married partner, since he does not encroach on her freedom, and she does not plan serious relationship. So, what usually happens after the betrayal becomes obvious? And, as a rule, everyone who cheats “in their hearts” prefers that the secret finally becomes obvious and sometimes accidentally leaves the phone unlocked or forgets some objects that signal the fact of betrayal in places that are easily accessible for search (this is how our unconscious works) Most often, the person who discovers betrayal experiences shock, surprise, bewilderment, annoyance, resentment, anger (even rage), despair, disappointment, etc. And then quarrels, reproaches, accusations follow, on the one hand, and excuses, promises or denials, on the other. It is important “when debriefing” in a couple to give space to the following mandatory processes: Expression of feelings and emotions to the party who has been cheated on. Despite the fact that she is also responsible for the fact that the betrayal occurred (immersed in children, work, everyday life, “abandoning” herself and her husband/wife), this party has the right to anger, resentment and