The psychological nature of the formation of the “I’m used to parting” scenario and its manifestation in relationships with the opposite sex are described in detail in one of the previous articles. Build a relationship with a person who has This scenario is very difficult. You will need a lot of patience, endurance, enthusiasm and emotional self-regulation skills, i.e. have high resistance to stress. First, of course, you need to find out whether your chosen one has such a scenario. Ask him about past relationships. If he is reluctant to talk about it, speaks emotionally, speaks negatively about his former partners, then there is reason to assume that parting with them caused him quite strong negative emotions that have not subsided to this day. Be sure to ask about the reasons for the breakups, who was the initiator, how quickly he met new partners. It usually takes some time to get over separation. Prolonged periods of loneliness and too rapid searches for new partners indicate a deep experience of a breakup. In the latter case, a person is driven by the desire to “knock out a wedge with a wedge,” a fear of loneliness, a desire to take revenge on a previous partner. If you have established that your chosen one is building a relationship according to the scenario of initial readiness for you to leave him, then your main task will be to show him in every possible way, that you are aiming for a serious, long-term relationship and breaking up with your partner is not included in your plans. Convincing him with words like “I will never leave you” is a completely useless exercise. They sound insincere and implausible. Anything can happen in life, including something that might cause you to break up with your chosen one. It’s better to speak honestly, for example, “I won’t leave you if you’re faithful to me, but I’ll leave you if you cheat on me,” “I won’t part with you if I understand that you need me, but I’ll leave you if you you will neglect me." Your behavior with your partner should indirectly, as if by subtext, let him know that he can be confident in you. Talk about the future in which you will do something together: about plans for a joint vacation in a few months, about upcoming joint activities. Refrain from talking about breakup topics when talking about other people. If your partner himself starts a conversation on such a topic, express to him your opinion that the reasons for separation in that couple would not be a reason for you to break off relations with your partner. When talking about yourself, about your previous relationships, do not form in your partner’s mind an image of yourself as a person who easily breaks up with his chosen ones. It's better to be honest about how difficult it was for you. The commonality of your experiences will unite you, make you closer and more understandable to each other. Be patient in reducing the emotional and spiritual distance between you. Do not interrogate your partner about his previous relationships and, especially, your relationship with him. Try to talk about such topics as delicately as possible, stopping the conversation if you see that your chosen one has begun to get irritated. Refrain from trying to make your partner jealous. It can have a positive impact on interest in relationships only among those who are initially determined to succeed. And your chosen one is determined from the very beginning that the relationship with you will not work out. Increased attention to you from the opposite sex for your partner Sometimes, expecting some negative development of events, a bad ending, a person consciously strives to bring it closer, to provoke it. Waiting for the ending hurts as much as the ending itself. And, sometimes, I want everything to happen as quickly as possible and be over. Therefore, partners with the scenario “I’m used to breakups” provoke a break in the relationship. They deliberately create conflicts, aggravate them, encouraging you to break off the relationship. And then the partner will be able to say to himself with relief, “well, here you go.”you see, you were abandoned again, as always.” Such provocations can also be carried out with the aim of checking, testing you, whether you will leave him or not. Therefore, in such situations, you will need to stock up on endurance and patience. Of course, this may be very difficult for you to do. However, if you look at this precisely as a provocation, you will be able to abstract from your own negative emotions and act rationally, i.e. try to resolve the conflict peacefully. Emotional coldness, alienation, insufficient attention to the chosen one, spiritual distance, incomprehensibility, uncertainty in relationships - all these are characteristic features of the behavior of a person who is afraid of a break in relations and acts according to the scenario under consideration. This model of attitude towards a person’s partner is dictated by his mental defense mechanisms from the pain that separation will cause, and which is seen as the inevitable end of his relationship. Therefore, your tasks will be: helping your partner show positive emotions in communicating with you and in your relationship, being patient with the fact that he pays little attention to you and the uncertainty of your relationship. Try to focus your partner’s attention on the positive emotions that he experiences together with you. This can be done with phrases such as, “I really liked how we spent this evening. How did you feel?”, “It was a great trip. So many emotions, so many impressions. What did you like most?” Try to first help him notice these emotions, then confirm that he has experienced them, and then express them in words yourself, talk about them. Do not demand from your partner that he clearly define your relationship in words. Do not demand from him answers to the questions: “Who am I to you?”, “Well, are we a couple or not?”, “Why do you need me?” and so on. Just act as if the positive words you expect in response have naturally already been said to them. In other words, behave from the position of “he needs me, I am his girlfriend (her boyfriend).” Because if you also begin to act based on the fact that you have a shaky relationship, you will both begin to bring the end closer. To overcome your partner’s alienation, try to more often ask him for advice, help in some matters relating to your life and even life your loved ones. Carefully and gradually involve him in your life, your affairs and concerns. It is completely useless to blame your partner for his lack of interest in your life. This will not stimulate him to change his chosen line of behavior. You shouldn’t expect offers of help from him either. But if such offers come, then be sure to use them, even if in reality you do not need his help. Refusals to help may ultimately lead to the fact that such an initiative on his part will come to naught. And be sure to thank your chosen one for the offer of help itself, and for the potential willingness to help, and, naturally, for the help itself. The lack of initiative to take the first step towards reconciliation after a quarrel, even if he himself is to blame for it, is another characteristic feature of human behavior. living according to the scenario of waiting for separation. It is not always just a matter of pride, although this can also occur. In this case, the person is more likely driven by the fear of being rejected if he takes the initiative in reconciliation. As well as internal readiness to break off relationships. Therefore, most often you will have to take the first step. Even if your chosen one is to blame for the conflict. In order to, to a certain extent, remove internal resistance to take the initiative for reconciliation for both your chosen one and yourself, create a reason for him. These could be some of your things that are in his possession, or his things that are in your possession. They can change constantly. For example, you took his jeans to shorten them, a computer to repair it, a flash drive that you needed but don’t have your own free one, etc. This will be a plausible excuse for getting in touch with your partner, and already in dialogue with him you can come to reconciliation. And,.