CRISIS IN RELATIONSHIPS. MYTHS AND REALITY Crisis is a terrible word that adults fear like children fear. There are a lot of myths around him, all of them bad. What is a crisis really? This is a truly difficult situation in the life of a person or family, when habitual patterns of behavior do not produce the usual result. Values ​​and life guidelines change, and what previously brought joy and satisfaction begins to irritate us. But it happens that a person’s actions never gave the desired result. And instead of assessing the situation and realizing the error of their actions, the person says “I/we have a crisis,” and continues to do nothing. He does nothing because there is another misconception that the crisis will go away on its own. You just have to be patient, grit your teeth harder, and over time everything will resolve itself. So, without surviving one crisis, the family flies into another crisis, the snowball grows, and the condition and relationships fall deeper and deeper into F***. The relationship curve begins to look like this: no way - bad - complete fuck-up - no way - bad... In this situation, “no way” is accepted as the norm, and you live a bland, joyless life, moving towards neuroses, burnout and separation. But the crisis is it's not bad. This is an opportunity to reach a new level, like an exam at school. Crises are necessary and important. But if you live them incorrectly, you can make a mess. Until you pass the lesson, you will remain for the second year. 7 CRISES IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT AFFECT EVERYONE Let me start with the fact that all families, if they survive, one way or another go through 7 identical crises. To these are added the personal crises of each family member and non-normative, let’s say, sudden family crises. Let’s consider 7 crises that everyone goes through: 1. Crisis of the first year of relationship, marriage. During this period, different family structures and scenarios collide, and mothers and fathers begin to adjust and distance themselves. Here lies the stumbling block. It is difficult for parents to let their children wander freely and not interfere in their lives, especially if there is no separation. Young people have to share everyday life, agree on rules and rebuild their usual lives, taking into account the interests of both.2. Birth of a child. This is a difficult period. A woman stops working, a person appears in the family who does nothing but demand something. There is no time and energy for yourself, your interests, you need to forget about your past free life for several years. Again we need to negotiate and rewrite the set of house rules.3. Socialization of the child. The child goes to kindergarten, this time coincides with the 3-year-old crisis in children. Outside adults (educators) begin to influence the child and family, and adjustments with other children begin. A woman goes to work, and again it is necessary to divide responsibilities and update agreements, the phrase “I ALSO work” appears4. A child goes to school often coincides with 7 years of marriage. Passion cools down, partners are like an open book to each other, together it’s no longer so interesting. As if this were not enough, there is also first grade, teachers, LESSONS... Again sharing responsibilities... And a colleague at work looks at me so passionately and has been calling for coffee for a long time. Only strong individuals who are ready to work on themselves and their relationships can avoid destroying a family and stay together. 5. Teenage rebellion in children. I won’t describe much here; each of us was a teenager and can imagine what could happen here. The problem of communication with children is the most acute here. Against this background, the parents’ relationship may collapse, because “you can’t explain it to him, etc.” But on the other hand, parents can rally at this moment against the “bad” behavior of the child6. Children grow up and leave their parents. And here the husband and wife are left alone with their unlived crises. This is one of the most severe crises, on par with the birth of the first child, it accounts for more than a third of divorces. The couple suddenly realizes that they have nothing to be together, all that connected them were children.7. Death of one of the spouses. Loss is always difficult. In old age