From the author: interview for VladHealth magazine How often do women like to accumulate grievances against men, and men, in turn, absolutely do not understand why they were offended? But girls really perceive little things more painfully and sharply than men. What to do when a woman starts to get offended almost every hour? How to stop accumulating grievances in yourself, and learn to talk about your experiences so that a man hears and understands? Answered by Victoria Pavlovna Suslova, a family psychologist. We are looking for the true reason. “To understand the reasons for women’s resentment, first of all, you need to figure out what it is. Resentment is often perceived as a negative feeling. But feelings are never negative, we need every emotion for some reason, just like resentment,” says Victoria Pavlovna. How do we react when we are offended by someone? A dialogue takes place inside, and we begin to figure out the situation. Let's say a man didn't pick you up from work, you were offended - this is what lies on the surface. What actually happened? Thoughts are spinning in my head: “I am unloved. He didn’t take me, that means he doesn’t love me.” In a relationship, a woman for the most part is offended not by what her lover did, but by what she thought for herself, that is, what meaning she attached to his action.” Acting in conditions of insufficient information, women quickly compensate for the lack of knowledge with their own assumptions, which immediately receive the status of fact. A classic example: a man is shaving with an electric razor in the bathroom and does not hear his wife asking him questions. And she, not embarrassed by the lack of reaction, answers for her husband independently (to her own questions). And, leaving the bathroom, the husband immediately got into a scandal. “If I had shaved five minutes longer, I would have come out divorced.” What can be done to prevent such a situation from happening? “When you feel that resentment is arising in you, you need to understand the underlying reason, think about why this happened and ask yourself the question: “What do I want?” and most importantly: “How to do this?” continues the psychologist. It is important to know that resentment is a way to understand what you don’t like in a relationship and take it to the next level. If a couple cannot overcome differences and resentments, sooner or later they will break up. How to tell about your grievance so that a man can hear. In order for a man to hear you, a constructive conversation takes place, the first thing you need to do is calm down. Go to another room, breathe out, remember how much you love him and how good you feel together. By shouting and making claims, you will only achieve reciprocal aggression multiplied by two. The second thing is to understand yourself, understand why you were offended, what lies deep down. Resentment is also a manifestation of self-doubt as a woman, or as a person (in one’s attractiveness, one’s virtues and abilities). So that resentment against a man cannot take hold of you and destroy you, listen to yourself, you made a mistake somewhere, you are not happy with yourself in some way, try to understand yourself. Admit that it was not you who were offended, but you who were offended. And third, when the reason is found: “He doesn’t respect, doesn’t love enough, and so on,” the offense needs to be SPEAKED OUT. Immediately say what in his words did not suit you or hurt you. Men cannot read minds and guess. You need to speak first of all in “I expressions”: “I really wanted you to pick me up, I really wanted to spend time together in the evening, I was very unpleasant that you didn’t do this.” Not from the position of “you should” and accusations, but speaking through yourself, through your feelings and experiences. A man who knows how to listen and wants the relationship to grow will change the situation, find a compromise so that you feel loved and he is calm. What to do if the resentment is too deep. Don't be silent. Your man may not even suspect that you were deeply offended by his refusal to go to his great-aunt’s birthday party. Resentment will accumulate, multiply in small ways, until it results in a scandal of such magnitude, which will lead to no one knows what. Take a piece of paper and write down the situation or words that you