From the author: One day I discovered a very interesting phenomenon that can be called “The Art of Asking”. Do you notice how different people around you express themselves and give messages to others? I began to see and notice them, and I truly admire how it can be rude and permissive, and how it can be very elegant and wise. One day I discovered a very interesting phenomenon that can be called “The Art of Asking.” You notice Do you know how different people around you express themselves and give messages to others? I began to see and notice them, and I truly admire how it can be rude and permissive, and how it can be very elegant and wise. And I began to notice how I do this?! Any person who is in in one environment or another, there is always: what he doesn’t like about what’s happening around him/with him; what changes he would like in the environment around him; what behavior he would like from others. The energy to start changing something may or may not be enough, but I can highlight two strategies that I discovered for myself: _____________________________I Reproach strategy. This is the most primitive and simple strategy. There are so many personal stories behind it, Reproach (I’ll call this position that way), that your head is spinning! There is a whole complex of illusions here: “How everything should be arranged around me.” “That the other person is not stupid, and should... guess about...” “Why should I ask, this is elementary etiquette and norms of behavior.” “If the other does not take care of me and does not please, it means that he neglects me, punishment for him! reproach: “How can this be, are you out of your mind?!”, “When was the last time you...?!”, “How much longer will you be...?!”, “Do you even know anything about me?!” , “You never...!”, “You always...!” etc. Of course, here the offender will not respond with enthusiasm; he begins to argue and be indignant at our “rudeness” and “hot temper”, and, well, “inadequacy”. And accordingly, with all our energy, with such a strategy we will not get what we demand. It is to demand._______________________________________II strategy Request-wish. Its magic is that it represents our interests, and most importantly, it protects the feelings of our partner, with whom we are “not entirely satisfied.” First of all, in this position we recognize the facts that: “The world does not revolve around us.” “Everyone has their own way of life and their own understanding of certain phenomena of human life.” “We are so different, we have different experiences, and we can just share, talk about it, look for common points of meeting and support and acceptance of it in each other.” “I know nothing about what is really going on in the other’s head, and accordingly, he cannot guess about my cockroaches.” “If there was no agreement between us about what we do not allow in relations between us, and what rules/principles we adhere to, my expectations for him are just my fantasies, that he owes me something.” etc. With this position, we construct our message to another in a completely different way: “I would be pleased if you...”, “I will be very grateful to you if you...”, “I really like it when you...”, “Let’s go together...” , “I miss the way you so much...”, “we are so rarely with you...”, “Let’s go together...”, etc. Here I could talk about the magic of “I-statements,” so I suggest you familiarize yourself with it here, so as not to repeat myself: How to give a slap in the face, but not offend?!___________________________ SUMMARYI am very impressed with strategy II. When people approach me from this position, I am so pleased and excited! I feel that my feelings are taken care of and they did not come to punish me, but to inform me of how I am destroying our relationship. This is important to me! I don't want to lose this relationship and this person! My partner is not always comfortable around me and I scare him off with my voice. It is important for me to take urgent action. And I am very grateful to my friends and family when they share with me what is wrong in our relationship. When you are not satisfied with the relationship...?