From the author: Unfortunately, parents do not teach their children to cope with pain. And then physical pain develops into pain, which is again projected onto the physical body, which is usually called “mental pain.” A person is very afraid of mental pain. What is mental pain? It is an open wound. This is a psychological trauma that has not yet healed. This is a situation that a person could not cope with. These are emotions that were not accepted. These are feelings that have become unrequited. And the person simply does not know what to do with it. Because no one taught. Because this wound cannot be covered with a band-aid. Because painkillers don't help. Because neither alcohol, nor cigarettes, nor drugs, nor chocolate, nor the most delicious food can save you from it. Let's look at the most common ways to cope with pain. What can a person do with pain? Transfer the pain to someone else." The cat has pain, the dog has pain pain, and Petya’s life will heal!” - the parents say to the child, feeling sorry for him. And he decides that in order for him not to get sick, he needs to hurt someone else. At best, to the one who caused the pain. And in the worst case, cause pain to a completely innocent person, like that cat or dog. Repress the pain, replace it with something else “Eat candy, watch a cartoon, take a toy, etc. and everything will pass right away.” And the person eats, drinks, tries to switch to something else, to someone else. He drowns out his pain, replacing it in all the ways shown to him. Shift the blame to someone else: “Let’s hit the joint because you hit it.” - parents say to a small child. Instead of saying: "I understand that you are in pain. Next time, look more carefully so that you do not experience this pain." The child was not only not shown cause-and-effect relationships, he was deprived of responsibility for what happened. And the child learns that everyone around him is to blame for his pain, and reacts to pain with aggression. Devalue the pain Parents often try to devalue the pain their child experiences: “Nonsense, it’s not worth your tears. Spit, forget.” And the child decides that his feelings are not important, his pain is not important, and tries to quickly forget about it, or rather hide it deeper. Intimidate with the expectation of the worst, “This is nonsense, you won’t be in so much pain in your life.” Added to devaluation is intimidation. And the child begins to be afraid of life, because he expects the pain that his parents promised him. And his expectations are justified. Comparison “What, my back (head, heart) hurts, but I endure, and still work!” Or someone, for example, “grandmother has a sick heart, her legs can’t walk, etc., but she baked you pies, dug up the garden, she needs help, and you...) This is also a way of devaluing, against the background of comparing his pain, with the pain of others. In this case, instead of living through his own pain, a person goes to someone who is even worse and tries to help him, being ashamed of his pain. Another way is ridiculing pain. "Can't you really cope? Weakling! Squishy! Roaring cow! Crybaby-wax! He's disbanded the nurse. And aren't you ashamed? And the child is ashamed of his feelings, his pain, he is ashamed of himself. He is ashamed because his feelings were not just not recognized and called shameful, he himself is associated with the manifestation of his feelings and emotions. Run away “Forget it, everything will pass!” A person tries to run away from this pain, to forget not to think about it. He tries to pretend that nothing happened. lead to the fact that a person tries to hide, run away from pain. He tries to pretend that nothing happened, because that’s what he was taught. He tries not to think about it, plugging his ears with headphones, looking at someone else’s life on TV, eating the pain with sweets. washing it down with alcohol, diving into drugs. He tries to escape from life because there is pain in it. As a result, pain accumulates and grows. It fills all the emotional space. It becomes the background of a person’s life, plunging him into a depressive state. And when loved ones begin. regret, they feel guilty for