Often we, parents, get angry with our children because they constantly ask to buy them this or that. Sometimes it seems to us that we already have a whole toy store at home, but everything is not enough for the child. Sometimes we buy, sometimes we explain that it’s not possible, sometimes we simply refuse and get angry. But there are also the opposite situations. The child does not ask for anything. In these situations, parents are usually very happy, even proud of their child. Moreover, parents often praise the child for this. That he doesn’t ask for anything and is compared with other children. Comparison in favor of the child leads to the child wanting praise again and again. How to get it? Don't ask for anything. It would seem that there is nothing terrible in this situation. However, the consequences are not always favorable. I will give here a fairy tale, which is not the result of fiction. Like all the fairy tales given in this book, it is written based on real events that happened in ordinary life. A fairy tale about a girl who did not ask for anything. Once upon a time there was a Little Girl. She really wanted to be a Good Little Girl, but she wasn't very good at it. Dad scolded her all the time and said: “Behave well,” but never told her how to behave well, what to do. One day, Little Girl heard Strict Mom say to Grandmother: “All children always ask their parents for something and they throw tantrums in stores, but our Little Girl never asks for anything.” And the Little Girl realized that here he was! Her chance to be a Good Little Girl! It's simple! You just need to not ask for anything. Since then she has not asked for anything, she remembered those nasty children who beg for toys. She dreamed of a doll with a beautiful lace hat, of a teddy bear, but she never dared to tell her mother about her desires, because she hoped to become a Good Little Girl. Gradually she forgot how to want. But she never became her mother's Good Little Girl. The Little Girl grew up. She became a Big Girl. And one day, on her 16th birthday, Good Grandfather gave her money. You could buy a lot of things with them. And the Big Girl went shopping for a long time. But they couldn’t choose anything for themselves. In the end, Big Girl bought gifts for her Strict Mom and Little Sister, because Good Girls always take care of others. Then the Big Girl became a Grown Woman. She hadn’t asked Strict Mom for anything for a long time, because she could buy herself everything she needed. But she forgot how to want. She came to the store, looked at things, but could not choose, could not buy herself what she needed. Somewhere inside a voice said that “Good Girls don’t ask, don’t want, don’t buy.” She wore old clothes that her friends gave her. If she did buy something for herself, she usually blamed herself for a long time and was still dissatisfied with the purchase. She forgot how not only to want, but also to choose, to enjoy what she has... But she was a Good Girl. What conclusion can we draw from this story? If a child does not express his desires, he gradually stops wanting. But what should parents do if their children ask for something all the time? Firstly, be glad that their children know how to express their desires! If sometimes your children annoy or upset you with their endless requests, remember the fairy tale about the girl who forgot how to want and be glad that your children have not forgotten how to do this. Secondly, it is important to sometimes (if possible, of course) fulfill the child’s requests. Perhaps sometimes children's requests seem stupid, unreasonable and not worthy of attention to us. Five-year-old Misha asks his grandfather for an airplane, which is sold at a kiosk and costs 38 rubles. But grandfather does not agree. He says: “I’d rather give you an expensive, high-quality plane for your birthday. This one is bad and will break quickly.” Everything would be fine, but Misha’s birthday is in half a year. Dear adults, do you get joy from buying small things for yourself? A magazine, a new comb, some gadgets for the kitchen or car, etc... EverythingThese are pleasant little things that are important to us and which we regularly allow ourselves. Just like a child, it is important to sometimes receive some unplanned small gifts that will bring him joy. Thirdly, it is very important to talk with the child, discuss and plan purchases together. Why is this necessary? Sometimes discussing plans, even without taking action, gives a person a certain satisfaction. Vika (5.5 years old) asks her mother for a doll. The doll is not cheap at all and my mother understands for sure that she will not buy the toy right now. But mom sees that this request is not a whim at all. Vika really really dreams of receiving this doll as a gift. Then mom does the following. She starts talking to Vika. Mom says that she understands Vika’s desire, that the doll is really just wonderful. But you won’t be able to buy it right now; you’ll have to wait a while. Vika and her mother are discussing which doll Vika will choose from the store variety, how she will play with it, etc. This detailed discussion helps Vika get over the not very pleasant fact that she will have the desired doll only in a month. Fourthly, it is important to help the child verbalize and experience all his desires. Yes, yes, that's all. In the previous example, we described how mom and Vika discussed the upcoming purchase of a doll and there was only one desire. But a child usually has more than one desire. Don’t be afraid that your child will start naming everything and you won’t be able to fulfill his requests. This is not required. The purpose of this technique is somewhat different. So, ask the child to name everything he wants. Let the child name a wish, and you yourself (if the child is still not good at drawing) or the child himself, sketch this wish in a special Album of Desires (the idea of ​​drawing wishes is described in the book by V. Aucklander “Windows on the Child’s World”). If a child wants a ball, draw a ball, if he wants a plane, then draw a plane, and so on until all the child’s wishes are exhausted. Do you feel like you'll be drawing forever? Try it and you will see that this is not so. As a rule, children get down to business with enthusiasm and it seems that the album will not be enough. In reality, the number of desires is quite limited. What will this album give us, parents? Tatyana, Dasha’s mother (6 years old). When Dasha and I drew her wishes, I was surprised. It turns out that my daughter dreams of the simplest things that I had no idea about: a hair clip, badminton, beads for weaving. All these are such simple and yet important things. And I didn’t even know that she was dreaming about them. And how much joy there was when we went to the store together to buy her hair clips! Irina, Leni’s mother (5 years old). It always seemed to me that my son only asks and asks and there is no way to fulfill his wishes. That's why I always refused him as soon as he started asking. Now I realized that as soon as I refused him one thing, he immediately began to ask for something else, hoping for at least some purchase. And so on ad infinitum. This irritated me even more and the circle closed. Now we have managed to break out of the vicious circle. Laziness has a lot of desires. But some of them are very simple: new pencils, a bouncing ball, stickers. This is how we sorted out our desires. I completed some of them right away. We postponed some wishes until our birthday (for example, a railroad). Some agreed to be implemented gradually. If the wish is fulfilled, Lenya sticks a sticker on the corresponding page. Now he sees how many of his desires have already been fulfilled. Lenya stopped asking me for everything every day. This is important to me. What do you want with the album? Discuss how important each desired object is and whether it can be replaced with something else. For example, if a girl wants beads, then perhaps you have something suitable among old jewelry. One boy asked to buy him skittles, but was pleased when his dad suggested he make his own skittles from empty plastic bottles instead. The boy wanted a doll and was pleased when his mother took out the doll she was playing with from the mezzanine.!