When a person undergoes personal therapy and changes, his relationships with people around him, near and far, also change. Relationships with someone begin to improve, and it seems that the person close to you is also changing, but with someone else the relationship deteriorates. Why? This is how I see the situation. A person has healthy/adequate parts, and there are injured parts. Often communication, especially close communication, is built on the interaction of injured parts. And this interaction occurs according to a predetermined scenario. Usually this is walking along the dramatic triangle Victim-Aggressor-Rescuer, covered with various scenery. This could be a sadist and a masochist (domestic abuse: physical, emotional, sexual), a dependent and a codependent, a “child” and a “parent” (although both people could be equal adults or even an actual child could play the role of “parent” to their actual parent ), “catching up” and “running away”/“rejecting”, etc. In the process of therapy, the injured parts of the client are gradually healed, and healthy adequate parts are strengthened. The client begins to interact more often with people from his healthy parts, and not from the traumatized ones, begins to at least sometimes leave the script and act spontaneously, in his own way, and not according to the traumatic program. Then the people around him have a choice - to join the healthy field, leave the script and interact with this person from their healthy parts, or try to continue to interact according to the script from the trauma. If a person has sufficiently pronounced healthy parts, has the resources to maintain them, and chooses to interact from them, then it seems to the client that this person has also changed, and the relationship improves. If a person does not have the resources to maintain the healthy parts, or the healthy parts are not strong enough, or he himself chooses to remain in the scenario, then he begins to “squash and sausage” from the fact that his loved one, who goes to therapy, has become different. The client, with his healthy manifestations, seems to emphasize the painfulness and traumatic nature of the existence of his environment, which cannot change with him. The client leaves the scenario and his environment finds itself in completely unfamiliar and unexpected conditions of interaction, this causes fear and aggression. The relationship deteriorates, and the person who goes to therapy is usually blamed. It is also possible that in some ways loved ones will respond to the client’s changes by supporting healthy forms of interaction and thereby strengthening their healthy parts, but in others they will not. It is important to understand that the one who reacts to the client’s changes with his healthy parts will not necessarily respond to everything; it is not a fact that he will completely change synchronously with the client. There are also other reasons. In the process of therapy, the client deals with his projections and transferences to other people, begins to see people more clearly, more clearly, without the filters of his traumatic perception. Thus, the illusion of an idealized parent can “fall away” from the partner, and the partner appears before the client in all his multidimensional human essence, with pleasant and unpleasant manifestations. The client may be horrified, “how could I live with such a person for so many years.” But the illusion of a demonized parent can also disappear (both from a partner, and from friends or colleagues, and from the parents themselves); the person appears before the client in all his multidimensional essence, with pleasant and unpleasant manifestations. The client may be surprised “how much simpler and better everything turns out to be in the relationship with this person than it was seen before.” In addition, in therapy, the client begins to try new patterns of interaction, at first this may work intermittently, it takes time to learn how to do it “smoothly”. For example, something that has been suppressed for a long time may manifest itself in a hypertrophied form. If a person lived and did not stick his head out, did not show himself, his feelings, did not protect his boundaries, then at some point all this can go in an exaggerated form:.