We are accustomed to thinking that a narcissist, from a classical point of view, will be quite flashy and difficult not to recognize, but this is not always the case. Having been dealing with the problem of narcissism for several years, I quite often notice that many narcissists hide behind the mask of a “nice guy”, behind which can be difficult to immediately recognize the danger. Today I want to tell you about a few basic “red flags” that will help you avoid falling into its trap! 1. Excessive flattery. Especially at the beginning of a romantic relationship, you will literally bathe in his compliments. The main goal is to do everything possible to please you, which in turn will give him the maximum of your adoration (this is what the damaged ego of the narcissist requires, and not at all caring about your mood). 2. Amazing Charm He is incredibly charming when interacting with you, friends, in a restaurant, etc. It costs him nothing to become the “center of the universe” in any company, attracting attention to himself, which will certainly make you feel proud! A special feature - his charm and desire to become the “highlight of the program” will be especially striking if he is among people whose status he considers especially important to himself! 3. Image of grandiosity One way or another, but in the company of a narcissist, you cannot get rid of the feeling that he is head and shoulders above you and everyone around him. Even if in fact this is not the case, he will do everything possible to make you and those around you feel this way. And this is not surprising if you take into account that the ego of any narcissist is an extremely fragile thing and needs constant doping of self-satisfaction, and the easiest way to achieve this is by humiliating everyone around you, including you. However, if we are dealing with a “good guy,” he, unlike the “classic” narcissist, will do this extremely delicately and as politely as possible.4. Inconsistent Behavior Swinging wildly from being incredibly caring to the “nice guy” completely disappearing under the pretext of helping some friend or relative will confuse you. On the one hand, you will feel disgusting because he is not around, on the other hand, you will constantly look for an excuse for his behavior, because everything will be presented with some flavor of a special sacred duty (to help someone, etc.). Keep track of your conflicting feelings if you suddenly begin to be relegated to the background, while saying that you are the center of his universe!5. “Manipulative cuteness” At first this may seem like kindness, but you need to remember that narcissists and kindness are incompatible things. All his sweetness and “kindness” are aimed at getting something important from you and the entire environment. Hence the ostentatious concern for both you and all living things around! Such a narcissist is often surrounded by friends and acquaintances, whom he strives to “help” for many months or even years, which certainly creates a certain aura of “goodness” around him. However, in a romantic relationship, conflicts, tensions and misunderstandings between partners are inevitable, and here your narcissist will show himself from a completely different side, which in turn will run counter to his image of a “good guy” in the eyes of others, and this, in turn, will will make it almost impossible to complain about him or even share with your mutual friends about the pain you are going through in your relationship with him! They simply won’t believe you!!!6. Constantly seeking praise is a common trait of all narcissists, and your “nice guy” will be no exception. His fragile Ego will constantly demand confirmation of any real and imaginary success, be it in his career, studies, sports, etc. Remember, any praise is necessary fuel for a narcissist! 7. Martyr complex While in a relationship with a narcissist, you will not be left with the feeling that you are living with a great martyr who constantly becomes a victim of others, bad, unprofessional and pathetic people who do not value his suffering and holy desires to help everyone and everything. 8. Inability to tolerate criticism The narcissist's fragile ego is notable to withstand even the slightest criticism addressed to him. Any remark or negative comment you make about them is an incredible pain! The overwhelming feeling of shame he experiences as a result of any criticism, revealing his deep-seated beliefs of worthlessness and unworthiness, is akin to a stab in the heart. As a result, you will often notice that your “nice guy” constantly avoids serious conversations about anything that could somehow make him look bad.9. Tendency to gaslighting Let me remind you that we are talking about “good guys,” so gaslighting will be at a “minimal level” and perfectly veiled. Let's say you decide to open a business. And your “nice guy” (out of jealousy) may begin (very tactfully) to express some concerns or doubts about your affairs, which may sow some doubts in your head when deciding important issues. This does not mean that a partner without narcissism cannot express his concerns about your affairs, but it is important to understand from what motives such advice is given: from a feeling of love or a feeling of envy and a sense of danger caused by your impending success!10. Violating Boundaries The boundaries you try to build with a narcissist who wears a “nice guy” mask are unlikely to remain stable. For example, he may get drunk and easily start hitting on your best friend and this will confuse you, because you think that you are not dating a narcissist, but just a “nice guy” who constantly takes care of you and is always so attentive . Therefore, this behavior will be shocking to you and will happen exactly when you least expect it. That is why, in order to mitigate the consequences of this trauma, you will most likely be inclined to look for excuses for his behavior (“He was drunk”; “he did not realize what he was doing”; “he is not like that, he is good and caring , and this was only a temporary clouding of reason”, etc., etc.)11. Attraction to "triangles" Don't be surprised if your "nice guy" drags someone else into your relationship! These could be friends, acquaintances or relatives who have some kind of tense relationship with you. Or the ex-girlfriend still won’t leave his life, even though you’ve been officially dating for several months. Don't let this bother you. After all, his Ego needs someone to fight for his love and the more such people, the better! The game called “let them fight for me” brings incredible satisfaction and a feeling of need and superiority to the narcissist’s wounded pride. Even if you fight for him with his mother!!!12. Narcissistic Rage This is what you least expect from a nice guy, right? And this is something that certainly does not correspond with its “brilliant façade”! The problem is that narcissists are unable to control anger, especially if their ego is in danger. But showing the bad side of yourself to a “good guy” is also not okay. Hence the endless avoidance of frank conversations with you, constant avoidance of conflicts, ignoring various situations, disappearing and ghosting. And all your attempts to negotiate something with them will be in vain if they are angry with you. At the same time, you will not even understand what you did wrong, because for this he would have to lay all his cards on the table and “lose face.”13. Conditional love His love for you will always be flavored with some benefit for him. Be it material or emotional. You either have to provide for him financially, or do everything around the house, or at worst, give him all your adoration to stroke his Ego. In any case, the feeling that you are giving more in this relationship than you receive will be with you all the time. And this is not easy. Advice! If you find yourself falling into the narcissist's "nice guy" trap, you may feel very depressed. The trauma that such an attitude can cause often turns into pain and can drag you into a funnel of depression for many months, and sometimes even)